True Wishes: Bill Compton, I fart in your general direction

“Oh what a tangled web we weave when at first Sookie we deceive.”

As I told Babcia Wampir (a.k.a. Wampy) yesterday, this season finale was very satisfying – more satisfying than Maryann’s heart being squeezed to ash after being gored by Sam from the season 2 finale.  You know I’ve never been a fan of Bill Compton. My dislike is well-documented. However, all I had held to hold against him initially was his possessive and condescending treatment of Sookie, his neglect of Jessica and his general lameness. Now, I finally have a legitimate reason to hate him – he tried to kill my Pammy Pam Pam. Plus he got cement up in Eric’s hair. Well, the cement was everywhere on Eric, to be fair. He’s probably got cement in his belly button and his anus. That is so wrong. Eric, I volunteer to help you remove it. I promise to be less squeamish and screamish than Ginger.  But back to Bill’s greatest infraction. No one puts Pammy Pam Pam in the corner. NO ONE. I will neither forget nor forgive this. Bill, you’d be dead to me, if you weren’t already dead to the world. It was amazing to watch how quickly Bill devolved into a Sookie-crack addict. Gollum comes to mind, not that I think Sookie is preciousssssssss. Stephen Moyer was amazing.

True Wishes: What a friend we have in Jesus

Kevin Alejandro

True Wishes: Eric must live, you f*#@ing bastards!

Oh, Alan Ball, you wouldn’t dare kill off Eric, would you?

Bitches!

I felt like Alan Ball finally listened to me last episode. Except for the putting of Eric at death’s door part, I got

- Sam and Tara back in the sack

- Hoyt and Jessica being all cute and awesome

- Dialing back the Jesus and Lafayette decent into black magic mayhem

- Mother Earth bitchslapping Arlene and her hypocrisy.

- Eric getting his balls back … and just in time

- Bill not being all “Sukeh is miiine!” but actually following Eric’s plan.

- Pam getting the camera time and recognition that she deserves. I love you when you’re cold hearted Pammy Pam Pam.

I’ll post my full review of episode 11 next week when I’m back from vacation. The Labour Day hiatus is brutal but this time I sort of appreciate it. I need to watch the finale in the comfort of my own home. I think I’m gonna have a finale party. Who shall I invite? Should I serve blood bisque? Oh, where is Talbot when I need him? Right, he’s in a tacky glass urn. So fitting.

True Wishes: Alan Ball gave me the bends in Episode Ten

More like a True Nightmare. I absolutely hated episode ten. HATED IT. I apologize for the late and short review, but I’m on vacation and typing this between relaxing on the beach and swatting mosquitoes.

On my hate list this week:

(and it’s all hate this week)

1. Emo-Schmoopy-Sookie-worshiping Eric. You may have slightly redeemed yourself in my eyes by locking the dumb waitress in the basement. It really is a low for Eric when my Pammy Pam Pam has to invoke the name of Godric to remind him that he is VAMPIRE and that he should care nothing for humans … even annoying faery ones. Remember, the humans are destroying the planet and themselves (a.k.a. your food supply). I find myself on the side of Russell Edgington, you know, before he went currrrazy. I need therapy.

True Wishes: Sookie and Bill really grate in episode eight

Wow, what a disappointment of EPIC! proportions. At least the man-on-man action did not disappoint. I feel battered like Franklin’s skull in this episode. I feel like Tara, suffering from PTSD and really not knowing how or wanting to talk about what just happened. I feel like Tommy, tired, battered and weary but itching to get all my anger out on somebody/anybody. But I will persevere despite my disgust and disillusionment. I would like to begin this review with an open letter to Sookie Stackhouse of Bon Temps (and Stupidville).