Want to save the giant panda from extinction? Promote panda procreation with our last stocking stuffer recommendation of 2010. It certainly gets right to the heart of it. At Singlarity, we are definitely pro-panda and pro-getting-it-on. Go, pandas! Go! Go forth and multiply!
Other positions available
From the store that brought you the Threepio and Artoo bathing suits, Black Milk, comes the perfect pair of leggings to give the girl who really needs to eat a cheeseburger or two. Do you have a friend who can only be described as dangerously thin? Well, to be quite honest, unless you’re scrawny it’s very hard to pull off leggings. They are extremely unforgiving to the littlest amount of body fat. So this really is the perfect gift to celebrate a life of tape worms and starvation.
To determine whether or not you should wear leggings, put your ankles together. If your thighs touch at all, you should not wear leggings. In other words, 99.99% of women should not wear leggings. So there you have it. Can you tell that I hate leggings?
Well, this is more than a stocking filler. It’s more like a stocking buster, but JoZ would probably find that a bit violent-sounding as well. How about stocking-ripper? Actually, that sounds worse. Anyway, I, Nibby, was recently gifted a jar of homemade Baileys and OMG!!! I think everyone should drink it! EVERYONE!!! I think this thing could lead to peace throughout the world. Nay, the universe. The humanoids over in Alpha-47 would totally stop using biological weapons on the lifeforms from Beta-72. Totally. One glass of this in your tummy-tum-tum and the warmed cockles of your heart would not let you lift a gun/axe/knife/baseball bat/canon/can of furniture polish in violence against any living creature.
So I searched high and low for a recipe without eggs (because … ew!):
1 cup light cream
14 oz. sweetened condensed milk
1 & 2/3 cup Irish whiskey (I use Jameson’s)
1 tsp. instant coffee
2 tbsp. Hershey’s chocolate syrup
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. almond extract
Combine all ingredients in a blender and set on high speed for 30 seconds. Bottle in a tightly sealed container and refrigerate. Will keep for up to 2 months. Shake before using.
My friend has also replaced the Irish whiskey with Jamaican rum to get rum cream, which is the only other thing that could possibly achieve simultaneous world peace. I have also heard of people replacing the Hershey’s chocolate syrup with some maple syrup. Yum!
If I had a penny for every time someone said to me “You’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming,” … I’d have a lot of pennies. It probably wouldn’t add up to a dollar but you get my point.
Courtesy of Nibby, we have this wonderful little reminder that the world is a swamp full of toads, frogs and leeches, and Prince Charming isn’t going to find himself. So put on your MOPP suit and get waist-deep into the germ-infested, fungii haven of a quagmire we call the dating scene armed with your trusty little frog-purse. Or you could just give it to your single older cousin cause you’re an arsehole. Whatever works.
"Ribbit!"
This one is courtesy of Nibby. Only fractionally less subtle than tattooing a large X on the nether region, this thong th-thong thong thong is the perfect gift for your female friend who always complains that her significant other refuses to go South to ring her bell. Bells included.
Sometimes subtlty won't cut it
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