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The Politicians We’d Shag

If you’ve been paying attention, you might have noticed a common thread among the ladies here. It’s certainly not that we’re all single. Ayn and JoZ have both jumped ship into the ocean (of alternating bliss and frustration) called marriage.  No, the common denominator is our love for shamed, vilified or badass politicians.

Putin riding bareback

Vladimir Putin

Why Ayn loves him? It is rumored that he used to work as an assassin for the KGB. Also, he has the deadliest nipples east of Cairo. His  stare is so intense that one cannot help but disrobe when he nods in your direction. I’d love to see him throw it down with Chief Strong Jaw for Ayn’s honor, but I really like the Chief and want him to live to see 30, just so I can call him “Old Man”.

The governator gets a chemical peel.

Arnold Schwarzenneger

Why swampmusic loves him? Two words – Blue Room. Just ask her if you happen to meet her. It’s a real elbow-burner of a story. The Governator of California is loved for his past playing that famous cyborg sent through time once to kill Sarah Conor, then to save John Conor, then to save John Conor again, and finally to do a naked cameo with all the wrinkles CGIed off his aging ass. Also, swampmusic has a serious obsession with metal. Hence her affection for Dr. Doom, Optimus Prime, Doc Oc, Iron Man, mustangs, tanks …

"I fart in your general direction!"

Rahm Emanuel

Why RetroVixen loves him? What’s not to love? 80% of people in Washington D.C. are afraid of him. The remaining 20% are either related to him or in bed with him. He speaks his mind and isn’t afraid to bitchslap the competition into submission. It’s his take charge attitude, political moxie and the arrogance brimming on insanity that melts RV‘s panties at the mere mention of his name. Try not to call her when he’s giving an interview on television. Seriously, don’t call.

What happened to you, bb?

Tony Blair

Why Nibby loves him? Honestly, I don’t have a clue. He’s just … I dunno. Even after his disgraceful handling of the whole “let’s bomb Iraq back into the Stone Age because our f**kbuddy George Bush wants us to” fiasco, Nibs still loves him and was sad to see him replaced by the less visually pleasing Gordon Brown. I am sure there are some women out there who find Gordon Brown attractive, but I’ve yet to meet one.

CSI: Moscow – Episode 1

Forensics expert and “problem-solver” Vladimir Putin investigates the murder of an aspiring Russian rapper on the latest episode of CSI: Moscow. Yeah!

MC Sascha: So, what did you think of my performance?

Putin: Hmmm. [Removes sunglasses] Unfortunately, I’m not the only one who found your performance heart-stopping. Where were you between the hours of 11pm and 3am last night?

Yeah!

 

What exactly are you looking for?

So one of the wonderful things about WordPress is that it gives you all these statistics on visitors to your blog, as well as the links and search engine queries that bring them to your wonderful little neck of the internet. Most visitors come here because of that post on Farscape Webisodes, hoping like I am to finally get some news from Syfy about when we can expect to see new material. Imagine the disappointment when they realize that my post is just another whino’s lament. The latest news came out of this year’s Comic Con, in which it was announced that the webisodes were still in the pipeline. Well, frell me dead. In 40 years will I be sitting on my porch telling my grandchildren that there once was a dream called “Farscape Webisodes” and some day, after the meek inherit the Earth, the TV god who comes shall finally keep his promise?

The second largest group of visitors want to see Alexander Skarsgard drinking, shirtless, in his underwear or just naked, preferably with Stark Sands by his side. I’m right there with you. In third place, are visitors seeking “21 things to do when your 21″. To these lovely individuals I must add a 22nd item: learn the difference between “you’re” and “your” before your 22nd birthday or before you’re 22.

Some of the other visitors leave me absolutely baffled. Why would anyone want to search for gassy vegetarians? Are gassy vegetarians the new Old Spice Man? If so, I don’t see it, or smell it for that matter. Three people searched for their “own cleavage,” like it’s for sale. Oh, wait a minute … Wouldn’t “breast enhancement” be a much better search query?

Anyway, you will not be disappointed if you came looking for:

• Ryan Reynold’s cheese grater abs
• Jared Padelecki boy next door
• Hatred for Zac Efron hair
• True Blood fangover cures

You will be sorely disappointed if you came looking for:

• vintage conch shell people (WTF?)
• an uneven tits gallery (Seriously, is this a fetish?)
• vacuuming naked (That’s just asking for trouble)
• sexually biting testicles (No comment)

I wish I were making this shit up because then I would be awesome but the truth is I am not that awesome.

So far no one besides Ayn has come seeking Vladimir Putin. This makes me very sad.

He can kill you with his deadly nipples.

I would watch this

with subtitles.

A ratings winner for sure!

Photo source: Punditkitchen.com

Y’all know how we feel about David Caruso and CSI: Miami.  CBS needs to make this happen.