Your Mom said you have hemorrhoids

27 Aug

So yesterday I got an email from a long time friend asking me how I was feeling because she heard that I wasn’t well. In this particular case, my Mom had bumped into her aunt and told her what was actually wrong with me, and since she’s a close friend, my embarrassment was minimal. However, this afternoon I received another email, this time from an ex, who had heard from a friend, who is also a friend of a friend of my close friend’s aunt. In that email he asked how I was because, according to him, my mother said I have hemorrhoids. Yeah, thanks Mom.

I doubt that’s what she actually said, because, contrary to popular opinion, I do not have hemorrhoids, but what I’ve got rhymes with it. So while I understand the confusion, I’m a bit miffed about the world knowing my bizniz. Are we going to have to start requiring mothers to observe something analogous to doctor-patient privileges?

Should I really have to say, “Mom, please don’t tell everyone you know that I have ___________. Family only, okay? And not all family, either, because I have some family members that will start planning my eulogy the minute they hear that I’m having surgery. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, er … ass, we can resume our awesome and loving mother-daughter relationship because there’s no one in the world that I love more than you.”


One Response to “Your Mom said you have hemorrhoids”

  1. Hemorrhoids December 1, 2008 at 7:17 am #


    I do agree with you that Hemorrhoid is not only painful and uncomfortable, it is also embarrassing for the person suffering from it. In this situation, just express your feelings to your Mom so that she can understand and won’t tell to everyone. And also, I want to tell you tips to cure Hemorrhoids – drink plenty of water, take more fiber in the diet and do excercise regularly.


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