So what now?

5 Dec

So it’s been over a month since I was unceremoniously dumped and my ex already has a new girlfriend. I can officially forget about him changing his mind. Exactly, how long am I allowed to wallow in self-pity, bore my friends with stories of how I’m better off without him and imagine countless ways in which he meets his demise just seconds after realizing what a horrendous mistake he’s made? Honestly, everyone says time heals and the like but no one says exactly how much time. Frankly, I am so ready to be over him, but the process is excruciatingly long. How long will it be before I can sit on my own f**king couch and not recall in great detail what if felt like snuggling up with him on it? I long for the time to come when I can get through an entire evening without thinking about him and wondering what he’s doing right now with his new flame.

Look, I don’t feel like myself. I’m bitter, I’m irritable, I’m hypersensitive, I’m insecure and I’m sleep-deprived. I want my life back. I want the life I had before I even knew he existed. I don’t even want him back. If only I could be like Kate Winslett in that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. How awesome would it be if I could just erase the time we spent together? Then there would be no longing, no heartache at 2am, and no questioning my worth as a human being.

I’ve even thought about putting myself out there again and finding someone new, but would that really be fair? I’d just be doing to someone else what he did to me. He essentially used me to help him get over some crazy bitch and restore his faith in womankind. Geez, wouldn’t it have been nice if I could have reaped the benefits from my own efforts at being a patient, understanding and supportive girlfriend? Nah, it’s like I said. I don’t want him back. I just want to be over him.

So what now? At what point do I stop cutting myself some slack and say “Bitch, please, move on,” eh?


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