Product Reviews: We have our standards

28 Feb

We, the Ladies of Singlarity, are willing to try out products that have been suggested to us — within reason. Not that we’ve had unreasonable requests… not that we’ve had any requests. So far, the reviewed products are straight from RetroVixen’s extensive make-up closet, as opposed to the usual kit, bag or shelf in the bathroom that the rest of us have.

In this product review: a list of products we will not review, Maybelline Lash Stiletto, Cover Girl Lash Blast and Mary Kay’s Lash Lengthening Mascara.

Products we might try but will not review:

1. Personal massagers: What works for one woman will not necessarily work for all women. So we will never recommend rabbits unless we’re talking about actual rabbits.

2. Deep fried office supplies: You don’t need us to tell you that crispy staples or crunchy Elmer’s Glue balls do not make good appetizers.

3. This shit right here: ET Phone Sex

4. Anything recommended by Tom Cruise or Gwyneth Paltrow: Even if it is sensible and works, we will never admit to or review anything that gives credit or credence to Mr. Buck-Toothed-Maverick or Mrs. Amazing-Super-GOOP-Fortunate. No.

5. Freelance assassins and murder for hire contractors: This is just sound business sense. A good assassin is like a good babysitter — you don’t want anyone else to have access to them, and the best ones are found by word of mouth.

Now, about that review:

After watching several cheesy ads for Maybelline’s Lash Stiletto Mascara, Nibby needed an expert opinion and RetroVixen responded:

“It’s okay. It does lengthen, but it takes away any volume that you have naturally in your lashes — and if you have no volume, you can forget it. I really want long lashes, but this doesn’t cut it at all.

Cover Girl’s Lash Blast does a better job at lengthening, and it’s also more forgiving when it comes to volume, but not much. Also, Lash Blast doesn’t keep a curl. It’s not great, but it’s not bad either. I’m still on the fence about it since it seems to be the best volumizing and lengthening mascara you can get at a store.

If you want beautiful, lengthy lashes while not sacrificing volume, the only luck I’ve had is with Mary Kay’s Lash Lengthening Mascara. The problem is you can’t just go to the store and buy it, which is frustrating. Also, you have to wipe excess from the brush before applying because it has a tendency to clump. But wowza! Great lashes happen with this stuff.

So for lengthening mascara you can get at a store, Lash Blast is your best bet.”

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One Response to “Product Reviews: We have our standards”

  1. Nibby March 1, 2009 at 4:50 pm #

    What does it say about us when companies market products to us based on a comparison to stripper shoes?

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