Vacuuming with Champagne

24 Aug

I had a few bottles of champagne chilling in the fridge that were left over from my doctoral celebrations. So I decided that in order to make the process of cleaning my apartment less painful, I would drink champagne while vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, moping, laundering, scouring and scrubbing. It seemed like a perfectly rational way of getting through tasks I consider distasteful.

Cleaning = distasteful but necessary

Champagne = tasty but completely frivolous

One would just cancel the other out. The math made sense. The most shocking thing about my line of thinking is that I was completely sober when I did the calculations.

So off I went, vacuuming up a storm with one hand on the hoover and the other hand holding a champagne flute. I have to say that things did not go smoothly. I may have missed a few patches on the rug and suctioned my cat’s favourite toy, but I did not drop an ounce of champagne, so overall vacuuming was a success. Dusting was super easy. Sweeping and mopping, not so much. Not because I was trying to do it one handed so I could hold on to my drink, but because by the time I got to the sweeping and mopping, I wasn’t very coordinated. You see, I’d forgotten the cardinal rule about mid-afternoon drinking – you should be sure to have eaten lunch earlier in the day.

Things went downhill from there, and the details are pretty fuzzy. Some how I managed to clear the kitchen sink, although the way that I stacked the dishes in the drainer would probably be considered more ‘artistic’ than efficient. The final task was folding and putting away the laundry, which I apparently equated to spreading the clean clothes all over my bed, rolling around in them and falling asleep.

I woke up just in time for True Blood, with my champagne flute still in hand. Although, I could no longer drink out of it, since I caught my cat licking the last drops from the rim. Apparently, Kitty is also a fan of the bubbly and wanted to get in on some of the fun momma seemed to be having.

So, since this blog is all about giving advice about things, I have to give a big thumbs down to vacuuming with champagne.


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