The Return of Demon Cat … FAIL

2 Sep

I got up this morning to the smell of fresh poo and a urine soaked rug. Where was demon cat? In the litter box finishing what he started but now in the appropriate place. It’s like half-way through desecrating my apartment with his filth, it occurred to him that there’s actually a place for his shit that he and Mommy can agree upon. Too late!

I have so had it with this cat. The list of infractions is too long but I’ll summarize

– I have to replace the dry wall in my bedroom because of a hole he put in it. I am still trying to figure out how he did it.

– My bedroom door has scratches around the door knob from him trying to get in the bedroom while I’m in the middle of  “alone time”. I don’t like Kitties watching me during “alone time”. It’s just wrong.

– He has peed in every vase, pot, dish, plate, shoe, bucket or box that I have absentmindedly left out in the open.

– He has eaten $500 worth of Italian leather shoes.

– He peed on the range while one of the burners was on.

– He has chewed up several of my pub crawling blouses, so I haven’t been out pub crawling in months.

– He ate $85 worth of make up from Sephora, while leaving the cheap Walmart stuff in tact.

And the list goes on. I have put up with this for 9 months, growing more and more attached and simultaneously frustrated. This morning I decided that he just had to go. When you start fantasizing about the garbage truck running over your cat, backing up and running over him again, you know it’s time for him to go.

Too bad he’s such a cute little fucker.

The humane society has no room for him (I guess I should have called first before driving 40 minutes to them), so I’ve had to place ads in the local paper and on the interwebs.

If you know anybody with a heart of gold who is willing to care for a very adorable and affectionate kitty, who will most likely destroy anything you own of value, and then some, please let me know. Kitty needs a good home. I can no longer provide one since he has destroyed it.


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