It might just be over

12 Sep

Anyone who has ever battled with an illness for a long period of time might be able to relate. Er, actually, I think I’m pretty much insulting anyone that has suffered like that with such a comparison, but really that is how I feel. So, I sincerely apologize. I am not trying to trivialize your experiences.

That said, I feel like I have been mentally ill for the past 5 months. I have exhibited strange behavior. I have said and done things I never thought that I would. I have apparently told somebody’s grandmother “Screw you!” I have refused to answer the phone (on Sunday nights). I have risked contracting viruses (on my computer). All along I have questioned my sanity. I felt like I was possessed and slightly out of control. Somehow, some way, I managed to keep doing my job, and prevent my friends and family from having me committed. Those of you who have been reading this blog know about my recent struggles and I appreciate your words of encouragement.

Now, I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m scared that I might not be fully cured and a sudden and deep relapse is a serious possibility. Still, I am beginning to feel hopeful for the first time in months. I’m waking up. The fog is clearing and the sun is shining, warming my face. I think I can make it now as the mad feelings have all but disappeared.

What is particularly satisfying about this turn of events is that it didn’t happen as a result of some external force. The change came from within. I just got up one day and felt lighter, freer and clearer. I’m ready for the next big thing. It’s a new dawn.

I am free from tyranny ... for now.

I am free from tyranny ... for now.

For the record, this has nothing to do with certain tabloid reports or me dating anyone or anything like that. Nothing at all. No, seriously. Really. Honest. Trust me. I have references and witnesses if you need them. I will testify to this in court. I’m a straight arrow – the real deal. Promise.

I’m moving on. For now. For realzies.

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4 Responses to “It might just be over”

  1. missberlish September 17, 2009 at 9:02 pm #

    God, Nibby, you make me laugh so hard. I think I’ve also won the battle against the Skarsgard syndrome but my cure does have to do with certain rumors, and the fact that I was out of the country for 2wks and not allowed to access a computer. That pretty much cured me and I think I’m good for now. I’ve had brief relapses but nothing to severe, and fortunately, I’ve found other distractions, hehehe. I will never forget that day you were accused of telling someone’s grandma to screw off, pure quality stuff.

    • singlarity September 17, 2009 at 9:22 pm #

      I realize that my recent strides against Skarsgard Syndrome have coincided with the end of the True Blood season. I think it could be trying to protect myself from a prolonged hiatus. Still, I think I’m going to be okay. Now, if he makes an appearance in Playgirl or does something utterly adorable and awesome in the next couple weeks, I just … I shouldn’t say it. No. I shouldn’t even think it. I am moving forward.

  2. missberlish September 19, 2009 at 9:11 pm #

    Well, I’ve just taken a huge step backward by indulging myself at the forum. So much for my success.

    • singlarity September 20, 2009 at 7:15 pm #

      He is like crack! My remission lasted all of 4 days!! FOUR DAYS!! It was a slippery slide. First I told myself that I was over Alex but it was perfectly okay to lust after Eric Northman. Yeah, I know, right?! Then I said it was okay to lust after Brad Colbert (real and HBO version) and Northman. Then I needed Micke. After a Micke picspam, I was toast. I need to be stronger.

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