June 2010 better come soon

10 Oct

The premiere of season 3 of True Blood better come soon or I might find myself cheating on Alexander Skarsgard. I know! I know! It is inconceivable!

The last thing I want is an angry Swede on my hands but ...

The last thing I want is an angry Swede on my hands but ...

If you wear a kilt, I will come.

If you wear a kilt, I will come.

This Thursday, I found myself extremely tempted by Gerard Butler who is an old flame from ’07. He was on Jay Leno’s retarded non-late night show and despite the setting he managed to remind me why I spent the greater part of a year documenting his every move and watching 300 in slow motion. Well, most of 300 is already in slow motion. I just watched those bits in really really really ridiculously slow motion (the polar opposite of ludicrous speed). Gerry, as I like to call him, is extremely gregarious and lovable. He’s also very witty and appears down to earth. He’s like the anti-Christian Bale. I just can’t see Gerry going on a three-minute rant if someone were to step into his line of vision and mess with his lighting. Now if you mess with his mother, well he might go Leonidas on your ass.


If he starts playing his guitar I cannot be held responsible

Now, my attraction to Johnny Depp was sorta unexpected. I have been aware of Johnny Depp since I had the training wheels taken off my bicycle. I never crossed into Depp territory because of swampmusic‘s on-again-off-again rabid love/lust for Edward-Ichabod-Don-Juan. There was never a connection. However, this past week, I had an epiphany. I feel it was only a matter of time before my crotch caught up to my brain. Yes, you read that correctly. My brain has always known how awesome this guy is, but for some reason my crotch would not concur. As of this week, all the pieces of me are in sync and they are in sync with Depp love. He’s just so humble, versatile and funny. He’s like the anti-celebrity. He’s not out there trying to get into the papers. He just wants you to love and respect his art and there’s a lot to love.



You know what’s extremely annoying? The knowledge that I could have had Ryan Reynolds all to myself before he met Scarlett Johansson. It would have been epic but I missed the figurative boat on that journey of love. It really smarts though and I hope they are both incredibly happy and make beautiful babies. They kinda owe the world that much given that gene pool has been very kind to them both. I always thought Ryan Reynolds was funny, mischievous and a bit on the chatty side. The chattiness was at first a huge turn off. I like a man that can hold his end of the conversation but like Gerard Butler, Ryan Reynolds just seemed incapable of shutting up. If that pointless Wolverine origins film taught me anything, it’s that you don’t throw out a damned fine man for being a little too grandiloquent. You just get duct tape or sew his lips together and enjoy.

Remember whe he kicked ass in Independence Day?

Remember whe he kicked ass in Independence Day?

Now this guy right here, is completely out of left-field. I have to thank RetroVixen for lighting the match to this latest 3-alarm fire. Seriously, ovaries, WTF? Adam Baldwin was my favorite actor from both Firefly and Chuck. Nathan Fillion is awesome, but Adam Baldwin always had the bigger gun. Mr. Baldwin (not related to that fat guy on 30 Rock) has always played interesting characters and steals every scene he is in. It probably doesn’t hurt that he’s Alex-sized (a honking 6′ 4″). He always looks hard-nosed and tough as nails and once in a while he’ll display a goofy side that just melts the underwear.


Stelios my heart

Thanks to tchetcha for reminding me that I am and probably always will be a proud Fassbanger. I’ve enjoyed staring at Michael Fassbender since he appeared in that ensemble of man-candy Band of Brothers. I rediscovered him as the devilish Azazael on the less than stellar Hex. More recently, I got to see him speak German in Ingloriuous Basterds. I’m not sure how I managed to survive in the cineplex without wearing adult diapers, but I did, just barely. Michael’s star is on the rise and that makes me happy. He’s an extremely talented and versatile actor. His eyes almost rival those blue orbs of Skarsgard’s. Almost. Not that this is a competition or anything. However, if the two of them wish to fight it out over me, I will watch, probably charge admission and “crown” the winner.



Finally, I could not end this post without mentioning the man who, along with his bow-legged colleague is helping me get through my True Blood withdrawal with a weekly dose of Supernatural. Jared Padalecki (a.k.a. Darling Sammy or Ginormotron to those on the interwebs) is one part sweet boy next door and one part giant slab of man-meat. He’s also Alex-sized, dwarfing El Deano or pretty much anyone he comes into contact with. His appeal starts with his puppy-dog eyes, down his preternaturally broad shoulders, past his cheese grater abs and tree trunk legs. Notice I skipped the um … interesting bits. I am trying to keep this post classy.

The moral of the story here is that I need to “Skarsgard my loins“, or to get a bigger bed.


6 Responses to “June 2010 better come soon”

  1. missberlish October 10, 2009 at 5:07 pm #

    It’s okay if you cheat, as long as you stay clean and don’t fall in love.

    • singlarity October 10, 2009 at 5:20 pm #

      Well, I promise not to have graveyard sex with Jared Padalecki. Beyond that I make no promises about keeping clean.

  2. missberlish October 10, 2009 at 5:10 pm #

    I love what you have shown me here.

    • singlarity October 10, 2009 at 5:19 pm #

      Hahahah! You’re welcome.

  3. missberlish October 13, 2009 at 1:18 am #

    How can you resist having graveyard sex with Ginormotron? 0_0

    • singlarity October 13, 2009 at 2:30 pm #

      I’m just worried about the places where the dirt will end up but if its for the sake of humankind and will thwart the Apocalypse I will acquiesce.

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