Hey, Cosmo, keep your teeth away from my scrotum

14 Oct

Growing up, my friends and I never took Cosmopolitan magazine very seriously. We would buy a copy of it just for a lark. Filling out the inane quizzes and reading the supposed sage advice passed the time between airings of MacGyver. Truth be told, I never trusted a word in that magazine because of the constant contradictions. In the same issue one article would be titled “10 reasons why you don’t need a man to be happy” and another would be titled “100 reasons why you should wake him up with a blow job.” It’s called mixed messages people. Look into it.

RetroVixen found this hilarious send up of advice from Cosmo – 7 Sex Tips from Cosmo That Will Put You in the Hospital. Cosmo has promoted advice over the years like biting gently on a man’s scrotum.

Here’s something mankind has known about intercourse since the very, very first sexual act was performed: If in describing the act, the words “bite” and “scrotum” appear in the same sentence, something went catastrophically wrong. So wrong that your behavior should have earned you an unceremonious exit from the gene pool.

– Cracked.com

Some how, the word gently just doesn’t make this act any more humane much less sexy. Click here for the rest.

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