True Advice: Romantic Entanglements

15 Oct

After watching two seasons of True Blood, I think I have learned a thing or two about relationships, or rather how not to act while in a relationship.

Tip #1: Never tell your significant other that you will always be together and that nothing can get between you.

"No power in the 'verse!"

"No power in the 'verse!"

That’s the equivalent of challenging the universe and the universe is bigger than you and your lover and so you will always lose. Just be happy with the time that you have together. Instead tell your significant other that you enjoy every second you have together and that you should not take a second for granted. Ever notice that just as you’re feeling that your love is epic and the stuff that legends are made of, an ex will show up on the scene just to confuse you or to cause trouble.

Tip #2: Never gloat in front of your romantic rival and tell him/her to admit defeat until you’ve “put a ring on it.”

Never count the tall blond out.

Never count the tall blond out.

Once again, you are waking a sleeping giant (in Eric’s case he’s literally a giant) who obviously loves a challenge. Backing your romantic rival into a corner leads to some extreme and devious behavior. Just ask Lorena. Don’t always assume that he or she will play by the same code or rules like you. Also, if your romantic rival is older, wiser and way hotter, you might want to wait till the game clock has run out before you’ve declared victory.

Tip #3: Don’t be over-zealous especially in the early days of a relationship

She's his momma! Where are you from?

She's his momma! Where are you from?

Being too keen can be considered a serious turn off. It’s perfectly fine to bring flowers when meeting parental figures but it’s probably going a bit overboard to murder someone in the name of your loved one when you’ve been dating for less than 2 weeks. Also, biting his mother is usually a no-no, no matter how much she deserved it.

Tip #4: Black outs are never a good sign

Tara loved her scrambled Eggs

Tara loved her scrambled Eggs

If you find that you have significant gaps in your memory whenever you get together with your new love, it’s probably a good time to rethink the whole deal. Maybe a little time a part will be useful. If the blackouts are accompanied by mysterious bruises and tell-tale signs of sexual activity, it’s time to run and possibly get a restraining order.

Tip #5: Don’t be in a rush to exchange bodily fluids

Those lips taste like lies!

Those lips taste like lies!

Or have sex on a pool table. There’s a reason they say only fools rush in. Extreme loneliness is a piss poor excuse for exercising such lack of judgment. If you do decide to go for it early on, don’t get greedy (and drink several pints of his blood), take it slow. So what if the freckles in your eyes are mirror images and when you kiss they’re perfectly aligned? It’s time to come down now to reality. No one is perfect. Paranoia can be healthy in small doses.

Tip #6: Sometimes you need to let go

Unbreak my heart

Unbreak my heart

After spending many years together (like a millennium, for example) you will see that your relationship will evolve, with periods of heightened attraction followed by lulls only for things to get spicy again. To everything there is a season, a beginning and an end. Eventually you will have to go your separate ways. Maybe it will be a mutual decision. Maybe you’ll be pushed away. Maybe death will separate you. However it happens, you need to make your peace with it. Cry blood if you must, but life goes on.

Tip #7: Sometimes you need to have faith

Without trust there can be no love.

Without trust there can be no love.

I know I said earlier that paranoia is healthy in small doses, but sometimes you need to give your significant other a chance to earn your trust and prove his- or herself. There’s no point in being in a relationship if you just intend to hide your heart away in a vault and lose the combination. At some point you have to let the right one in.

Photo source: Blood Bonds

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