A Single Gal’s Thanksgiving Survival Guide

25 Nov

Visiting family for Thanksgiving as a single gal? Well, here are some tips I picked up while living in the States that should help to keep you sane or at least make the time pass quickly.

1. Don’t show up empty-handed

Remember to bring lots of empty food containers, so you can cart off lots of leftovers to your barren refrigerator at home. As a single gal, my refrigerator is always understocked. I have no idea why. Yet, my ass keeps expanding. This defies all logic.

Also, bring your own booze and lots of it. While everyone thought I was sneaking off to call my non-existent boyfriend, I was secretly swilling booze from a container I had hidden in the coat closet. Do not judge me!

2. Be mysterious

I always like to show up with a bit of new bling – some shiny pendant, ring or earrings that I bought for myself. Even when I was completely honest and told my relatives that I bought it, they always assumed some man gave it to me, so I’ve just given up trying to convince them of my lonely existence and just smiled coyly when they compliment my non-existent boyfriend on his fine taste.

3.  “He lives in Canada.”

“That’s why he’s not here for Thankgiving. They celebrate theirs in October. I know! Canadians are so weird.” I hear this story works on occasion. I’ve heard it told by others and wondered who they think they’re fooling. Not me, of course. But granny, auntie-disposable-diaper and uncle-bad-touch? It might work on them.

4. Escape to the Kids Table

At the kids table I am Ancient Auntie Cool who knows everything, has been everywhere and has shagged every man to be featured on the cover of GQ. Sometimes being a role model has its perks, like when the little ones offer to mix me my favorite cocktail or fetch me seconds from the buffet table.

5. Leave them wanting more

Be the first to get the heck out of dodge. You don’t want to be one of the last to leave, since you will be expected to help clean up the table, load the dishwasher or possibly drive uncle-bad-touch back to his leather and satin-filled bachelor pad.

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2 Responses to “A Single Gal’s Thanksgiving Survival Guide”

  1. Penny November 29, 2009 at 6:55 am #

    Great tips for Thanksgiving. I’ll have to think of survial tips for Christmas and New Years. We will have to share notes… 🙂

    Cheers from one single to another!

    Penny

    Blog: huntingforlove.wordpress.com
    Podcast: pennyandben.podbean.com

    • singlarity November 29, 2009 at 3:55 pm #

      Hi Penny! Thank you! I look forward to reading that and I’m gonna check out your blog.

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