True Advice: New Year’s Resolutions

31 Dec

2009 and the second season of True Blood have given me a lot of food for thought. From Octo-mom to Maryanne Forrester, I have no shortage of crazy-ass women as role models. Hoyt Fortenberry isn’t the only one with mother-issues, and between the Hamby’s, Bill Compton and Jon and Kate Gosselin, I have a pretty good idea what shitty parenting looks like. As the new year approaches, I’m looking to 2010 with hope.

Here are some of my New Year’s resolutions, inspired by True Blood characters.

New look. You like?

New look. You like?

Eric Northman

Eric’s transformation from one-dimensional badass to complex and sexy mofo has inspired me to change my hair and update my look as well as let my friends see a little bit more of my softer side instead of the always happy-shiny and often impenetrable facade. For Eric, loyalty is the most precious commodity and whether it comes via a blood bond or a thousand years of friendship, he gives it and receives it. I feel the same way about my friends and I am resolved to continue to be there for them and to be honest with them about my life. My friends might forget my birthday, or be lazy like Pam, but when it really matters, I know I can count on them.

Sookie and Jason Stackhouse

I’m resolved to spend more time and energy connecting with my mom and siblings. No matter the distance or the issues between us, my family is always there for me and those relationships are central in my life. Communication is key. If Sookie and Jason had been more open and honest with each other, Jason wouldn’t have ended up with the Fellowship of the Sun and Sookie wouldn’t always be so emotionally dependent on Bill (or Beeeel! Oh Beeel!) or so desperate to connect with someone like poor Barry.

Bill Compton

I’ve resolved to love myself more and to surgically remove the giant stick up my ass. Self-loathing is a terrible thing and I need learn to accept myself, flaws and all, before I could even consider being in a relationship or having children. My sometimes low self-esteem is something that I don’t want to pass on to the children I may have some day. Bill, before he was taken, was just beginning to realize that he needed to take a different approach with Jessica. Unfortunately for Bill, Hoyt and Jessica (and that nasty-ass truck driver), it was a little too late. Also, jealousy is a destructive emotion. I am determined to just accept that there are people out there that are going to be more successful and attractive than I am (Beyonce, I am looking at you!). Bill needs to just get over his jealousy of Eric. His insecurities and jealousy could cost Sookie her life and possibly push her away.

These two have major issues together and separately

Sam Merlotte

I’m determined to be more open and honest about who I am, what I want and how I feel. When Sam finally revealed himself to his friends, their reaction wasn’t as horrible at he thought it would be. In fact, Jason thought it was the most awesome thing ever. Sam’s fear of coming out of the closet allowed Maryanne’s debauchery to spread unfettered throughout Bon Temps. Now Sam is on a quest to find out more about his parents and himself – something that I will strive to do myself in 2010.

Tara Mae Thornton

Tara allowed her desperation for a deep and meaningful romantic relationship to turn her into a complete zombie. First season Tara was a cynical, sarcastic, independent and uncompromising badass. In the second season, she sacrificed her common sense, independence and cynicism for a guitar-playing, washboard-abed amnesiac who was Maryanne’s chief puppet. In 2010, no man is going to turn me into a jackass. NO EFFIN’ WAY!!!

Maryanne Forrester

Everyone needs to make room for a little chaos and a little freedom. I’m not going to go crazy and stop wearing pants like Jane Bodehouse, but I am determined to live a little and enjoy what’s left of my youth. Also, I really should dance more. As for waiting almost an eternity for the god who never comes – not I! I am not going to go to unimaginable lengths to find a husband. If it’s meant to be, it really shouldn’t be that hard and it should never involve cutting out people’s hearts and making hunter’s pie with them, although my stint with eHarmony had me wondering about that for a bit.

Jessica Hamby

2010 will bring a lot of changes and curve balls my way. Instead of wallowing in self-pity and being scared of change, I’m going to go out there and embrace it and make lemonade out of the lemons I’m dealt. Jessica was turned at age 16, before she’d really had a chance to live. She pouted for a bit, but for the most part she’s tried to embrace her second life and good things happened to her like meeting Hoyt. Unfortunately, Alan Ball is a sadist, so her happiness was short-lived, but Jessica is not one to sit at home and whine. She’s out there now ridding the world of craddle-robbing skeazeballs one at a time.

He'll do whatever it takes not to end up here again

Laffy doesn't want to end up here again

Lafayette Reynolds

Self-preservation is Lafayette’s strongest motive and second only to his protective instincts for Tara, his cousin. Selling out his buddy Jason to Eric got Lafayette no where and his lack of loyalty in this matter was probably the determining factor in Eric’s decision to use him as a pawn rather than making him vampire. So from Laffy’s experience I have learned that there are just some things I should never sacrifice in order to save my own ass and that I should never get so wrapped up in my own shit that I am unable to recognize when the people I love need my help.


Godric’s storyline was about redemption and transformation. He chose to stop feeding on humans and to move on to a higher plane of existence. It might have taken him 200o thousand years to get to that point, but it doesn’t mean he was a slow learner. Even though life can leave us jaded, there are still surprises out there, so I’m going to try to keep my crusty old heart open for all the beauty there still is in this world.

Even 2000 year old vampires can make stupid mistakes


Fabulous and Bitchy. My motto for 2010.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: