It’s coming … dia del saber de soltero

6 Feb

Not that I'm bitter or anything ...

February 14th is a Sunday this year. It would be a perfectly normal and wonderful Sunday if people in relationships didn’t feel obligated to book out my favorite restaurant, buy out the tickets at my favorite movie theater, leave the shelves of my favorite fudge shop bare, rent out the latest DVD releases, or eviscerate the farmer’s market of all the cut flowers. These acts are all completely uncoordinated but since they all coincide on one particularly frosty February day, it can feel like the universe is giving me the middle finger.

I’m a romantic. I like seeing other people in love and I’ve got no problem walking around people on sidewalks who insist on staring into each other’s eyes, while holding hands and taking 4 steps per minute. I don’t mind it 364 days of the year. People couple up all the time and get schmoopy, silly and giddy. It’s awesome. It’s just that on February 14th, the schmoopiness, silliness and giddiness reaches record levels while my tolerance for them seems to reach record lows.

... even for the unloved.

So someone like me that wants to treat this day like any other day of the year and doesn’t make plans in advance is just shit of out luck if I want to venture outside of my house and do my normal activities, like walking down the street or going to the Lebanese place for a donair. The simple truth is that if you want to enjoy Valentines’ Day as a single you’ve got to act like you’re not single. You have to be pro-active and make plans (with your similarly afflicted friends), even if those plans are to do nothing at all. Even being left completely to your own devices is difficult on VD, as evidenced by last year’s 2am orgasmic wake-up call courtesy of my neighbors.  Make earplugs part of your plans. I’m not sure why the obligatory VD shag has to be louder than normal, but I digress.

Simply winging it will just lead to exasperation and frustration, which if unchecked can lead to you calling your mother and crying over the phone, not that I’ve ever done that. Jerry Razon at UrbanDictionary.com said it best:

Singles Awareness Day is also abbreviated “SAD” which can be found quite fitting to many people, ironic to the people in relationships, and quite clever to those who don’t give a shit either way.

When I was a kid, my parents always did stuff with us for Valentines’ Day, so I’ve never really had a negative feeling about the holiday as you would expect someone who is chronically single. I continue the tradition to this day as I always send my mother (and my grandmother when she was alive) something for Valentines’ Day. As my Dad would say, there are all different kinds of love and all of them need to be celebrated. So this year, I plan to show some love to all my sweethearts and I’ve got loads of them – too many to name.

Awww yeah!

Last year, I made special plans to get me through the festival of loneliness, but they got derailed, ironically, by a man who ended up leaving me high and dry for Valentines’ Day. This year, I will be more vigilant. I am not going to fall for anyone between now and the 14th. NO WAY. My plans are set. I don’t care if he looks like Alexander Skarsgard.

Not my Valentine. Pity.

Well, … no, no, no … no! I shall not be tempted. February 14th is going to be my day!

This guy needs a handjob

So, while I continue to search for a decent man who won’t mind mowing my lawn, I’d rather be on my own than caught in a bad romance. Speaking of which …

Alex never said she was fat.

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