If you have single friends, please read this

30 Apr

Normally I find the advice columns on Yahoo! absolutely banal and useless. In the end, I always wish for the 30 seconds to 5 minutes back. Today, I was surprised to find some truth and relevance in Erin Meanley’s “19 Things You Should Never Say to a Single Person“. Perhaps it felt true because the 19 things were gathered from Twitter. I like it so much, I want to print it out and put in the mailboxes of all of my married friends. ALL OF THEM. As much as I love them and respect them, they are all guilty of uttering these cliches at one time or another.

My Mother, who I absolutely adore, is guilty of saying “You’ll find him when you’re not looking,” at least once every few weeks and twice on my birthday. She’s been saying it since I was 21 years old and then a first-time bridesmaid. I need her to stop with that B S now. In fact, if I’m ever so lucky to have a daughter, I will never tell her this. NEVER, as God is my witness. When I first heard it, it was comforting and I sorta believed it. Later on, I began to believe that my search efforts were actually sabotaging my chances and my perceived lack of patience was to blame. In other words, because I kept looking, I was not deserving. I am so over that shit. Now 10+ years later, when I hear those words from her lips, I want to throw furniture against the walls and eat nails.

My dear married friend, Krissy, is guilty of saying “I live vicariously through you and your exciting single life.” Yeah, thanks. I’m glad my lack of a successful coupling is entertaining to you. I should merrily go on a billion nerve-racking first dates just so you can have the simple joys of helping me pick out my outfit, going over strategies to get that second date or how to extricate myself from a loser, and consoling me when it inevitably goes south. I realize that it’s important that it goes south, otherwise there would be nothing to bitch about. I understand that the comment has good intentions, but it’s condescending as all Hell and you know what they say about the pathway to Hell.

My least favorite comments occur at weddings. It’s gotten to the point where I dread weddings.  I have at least 1 to attend this summer. It’s like I have to justify my lifestyle while at the same time frown upon it. It always begins with “Why are you still single?” or “Don’t you want to be married?” I haven’t gotten to the point of running out of the banquet hall in tears yet, but who knows what will happen this wedding season. So, I am begging all of you married/long-term relationship people, if you happen to be at a wedding this year and you’re chatting with a single friend, PLEASE don’t do this. Don’t make an already intolerably awkward situation for a single person into a waking nightmare. Also, if you see a single person being needlessly harassed in this way, it is your duty as a charitable human being to interrupt and rescue that individual.

By the way, TLC, I fucking hate you with your “Say Yes to the Dress” and “Wedding Fridays”. It’s completely and utterly insensitive.

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2 Responses to “If you have single friends, please read this”

  1. missberlish May 4, 2010 at 6:33 pm #

    Well, when you get married and don’t have kids its the same damn crap. So I try not to be insensitive to my single friends, or my friends who have been dating for years but are not engaged, cause I know it sucks.

    • singlarity May 4, 2010 at 7:15 pm #

      So true! My married friends that don’t have kids are constantly having to answer really rude questions. So, unless they bring up the subject of babies, I don’t think it’s fair to ask.

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