True Wishes: I barely survived Episode Five

20 Jul

Damn! No, seriously. Damn! This along with I Will Rise Up is one of my favorite episodes of True Blood of ALL TIME and Eric wasn’t even naked in this episode. I cannot think of a single thing I did not enjoy, even the Sam and The Mangy Mickenses story-line. So we might as well start with them. I love Sam in protective big brother mode and Tommy is in desperate need of a decent male role model. I don’t know what exactly Joe Lee is doing to his son but I hope the sitting around in his dirty briefs watching TV with his son isn’t an indication of things to come. Gross! I don’t trust Joe Lee and I trust his wife even less. Tommy better stay away from Jessica though. What happens when a shifter and a baby vamp get together? I don’t want to know but knowing Alan Ball we’re gonna find out.

The theme for the night was definitely sweet or strange love. The sweet: Jesus and Lafayette. Where can I get a Jesus all of my own? Watching a demure Lafayette blush and flirt made this season for me. THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!! The strange: Tara and Franklin. I still want her to stake him, even though he was crazy awesome. Vampire-speed-texting is one of the sexiest things I have seen all year. Isn’t that sad? The sweet and strange: Jason and Crystal. You know it won’t last. She even said so, but … awwww. Jason should know better by now. The very sweet and the very strange: Terry and Arlene. How cute was Terry, celebrating his ascension to “normalness”? Good luck, Terry. God bless you! I’ll see you in the assembly area, where we’ll gather to try to put your heart and brains back together once Arlene has finished scrambling them.

Just as in Season 2, the best stuff on this show isn’t happening in creepy old Bon Temps. It’s happening in Jackson, Mississippi, at the home palatial estate of His Majesty Russell Edgington. Is it in Cooter’s contract that he be shirtless or naked in every episode? Don’t misunderstand me. I am not complaining. So much goodness, where do I begin?

And fast too.

The craziness of Franklin Mott’s obsession with Tara that I mentioned earlier went to another level in this episode. Tara finally woke up and started being the badass I thought she should be. I think it was seeing Bill and perceiving his lack of concern that finally made Tara wake up and realize that she was going to have to get herself out of this mess. Unfortunately, naked Cooter stopped her. I hope I have another occasion to type the words “naked Cooter.” Franklin’s reaction was priceless. Tara’s reaction to his reaction – awesome. Please don’t make Tara a vampire bride, Alan Ball. I will not forgive you and you still better not kill Pam, who was absent but on Eric’s mind throughout the episode.

Speaking of Eric’s mind, the viking vampire Sheriff of Area V had so much going on but played it as icy cool as his close-fitting blue cashmere sweater. After 1000 years, he has finally found the man/vampire that killed his human parents and infant sister. It was nice to see that even back then, Eric always made time for playtime. Russell, your days are numbered. With the way Talbot was looking at Eric, I don’t think he’ll miss Russell either. However, Eric will probably wait until he’s used Russell to deal with the Magister and Sophie-Ann before making his move. Still, hurry the fuck up, Viking! Your progeny only has 24 hours left.

Oh, Bill Compton. You weren’t fooling anybody with your switching of allegiances. We all know you still (heart) Sookie Stackhouse and that you want to marry her and give her ba… oh wait. Vampire. Never mind. Your ruse lasted all of 2 seconds. The minute Ms. Stackhouse was in trouble you went running to the rescue. I believe that Sookie’s magic sparkly hands only seem to appear in the presence of other supernatural beings. People are making Jean Grey comparisons, but she’s more like Jubilee at this point. Did Debbie take most of Alcide’s shirts when she moved out? Once again, don’t misunderstand me. I am not complaining.

Well, I’m exhausted and I’m sure I left a lot out but … Damn!

RetroVixen’s Blow by blow response:

OMG NIBBY. I’m watching TB right now and how fucking AWESOME is Franklin?!!

“She’s really fucked up. We’re like twins! And the attraction is electric!”

He’s so creepy but so awesome at the same time. He’s my new favorite! Tara’s all tied in the chair because she despises him, but he’s in LURVE and thinks they’re meant to be. He just turned this dull season into the best season EVAR.

This guy is hysterical. He demanded cash after giving information on Sookie, and when the king said no, his reason for denying him cash was, “You blew all your money on slots and killed a bunch of old women.”

“THEY WOULDN’T GIVE ME A TURN.”

His logic is….omg. FRANKLIN, I HOPE YOU ARE IN THIS SHOW FOREVER.

“Watch how fast I can text ‘motherfucker’.”

*types*

“Here, let me erase it so you can see it again.”

HOW CREEPILY/SCARILY ADORABLE IS THIS MAN?!

How cute are Lafayette and the nurse guy?!! OMG. *SQUISHES* YAY!! Finally, some more gay!

You have no idea how hard it is not to laugh at Franklin’s dramatic weeping. OMGOMGOMG.

“I FEEL LIKE I’VE BEEN STAKED!!!” *weeps openly*

OH SHIT, IT’S VINTAGE!ERIC WEARING A DEAD ANIMAL BOLERO! Can this episode get any better? This is my favorite episode EVER! And Tara found her balls again, THANK YOU LORD.

Sad for Eric and what happened, but you know he’s gonna lose his shit and avenge his parents!! He’ll unleash the RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE.

This season has been SO. SLOW. Until last night!! What a great episode!

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