True Wishes: Eric up to tricks in Episode Six

27 Jul

We came back down to Earth in this episode, but it was always going to be a difficult task to top Episode 5. For me this episode was all about the Northman and his body-conscious blue coastal view cashmere sweater (Thanks, Angel), scheming to get everything he wants – revenge for his human family, Pam’s safety and, if there’s still time, a certain feisty telepathic waitress from Bon Temps. Clearly, Pam’s safety is Eric’s number one priority and he’ll continue to flirt with Russell (and Talbot) until the Magister has been taken care of. Still, it wasn’t easy to watch him be mean to Sookie, but girlfriend needs to calm down. I’m pretty sure Russell has recognized Eric from a thousand years ago and is just toying with him. Oh, Eric, it won’t be easy taking care of a vamp thrice your age. If only Godric were still alive. Sigh! 2000 years + 1ooo years makes a very hot dynamic duo. Oh, Godric, come back to me. That is my request!

Nothing compares to you

When Lorena spoke ill of Godric, I yelled “Shut your mouth!” at the TV screen. I haven’t done that since Sarah Palin’s interview with Katie Couric in 2008. That bitch needs to die. Lorena, not Sarah Palin. My least favourite part of the episode was listening to Bill and Lorena psychoanalyze each other while she cut on him and was generally gross. I loathed it more than the Mangy Mickenses storyline, partly because it upset me to see Lorena stain that gorgeous blouse with bloody tears. Her outfit was just fabulous and now it’s ruined. Also, I cannot tolerate emo-Bill. I actually prefer the Bill that twisted Lorena’s head around than this “kill me now so I may be finally free of your disease” Bill.

I’m not going to talk about Jason and Crystal because after last night, I stopped caring. Hotshot and its inhabitants are way more interesting in the books than in the series. People are upset with Alan Ball’s characterization of Bill and Eric. I’m more upset about what he’s done to the Norris family in Hotshot. Until they resurrect Calvin Norris’s character, and make Crystal a little more fun and less brain-damaged, I am beyond caring about that storyline, unless Eric and Lafayette decide to revisit Hotshot and kick the asses of all its residents. Speaking of my sweet Lafayette, things were getting so good with Jesus when those nasty denizens of Hotshot decided to interrupt what would probably have been the first time on this show that Lafayette has had sex with someone for free. And you know Jesus would have taken him to heaven and back. He is named after the Son of God after all.

Now, I’ve saved the best for last. The best? Tara “Mace to the Face” Thornton. THANK YOU! THANK YOU for bringing my little badass back to me. Now, Tara should have used an ax, but you have to remember that Tara, unlike Sookie, has had very little to do with vampires. A mace to the face would kill any living creature. How was she to know better? Franklin will be back, and like I said, I will not be satisfied until she stakes him good and proper. I don’t care if he can text “motherfucker” with supernatural speed.

Somebody stop me ... from smiling like Jim Carrey

As for my many wishes for the season, there has been a distinct lack of nudity in the last few episodes. I am particularly disappointed in Eric, Bill, Sam and Jason. D- for the lot of them. Top of the class? Alcide Herveaux. A+ for the hot were. Tara is one lucky girl right now, sitting in a car with a naked Alcide. Mm mm mm mm mmmm.

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