True Wishes: Sookie and Bill really grate in episode eight

10 Aug

Wow, what a disappointment of EPIC! proportions. At least the man-on-man action did not disappoint. I feel battered like Franklin’s skull in this episode. I feel like Tara, suffering from PTSD and really not knowing how or wanting to talk about what just happened. I feel like Tommy, tired, battered and weary but itching to get all my anger out on somebody/anybody. But I will persevere despite my disgust and disillusionment. I would like to begin this review with an open letter to Sookie Stackhouse of Bon Temps (and Stupidville).

Dear Ms. Stackhouse,

I would just like to know at what point did you become the dumber of the two Stackhouse siblings. What was the turning point? Yes, Jason, I do believe your sister is brain-damaged. I do believe that you’ve been “overcooked” by Bill’s blood as Eric warned that time when you were attacked by Maryanne.

Yes, Sookie Stackhouse, you are a dumb bitch! Do you see the way that Alcide treats Debbie with love, concern and respect despite the fact that she is fried out of her mind on V,  she cheated on him and left him for a guy named after a vagina, and she wants him dead? That is how a man is supposed to treat you.

Yes, Sookie Stackhouse, you are a dumb bitch! You’re not a bottle of V8. If Bill really loves you, why does he always have to drink from you? I thought he was mainstreaming by way of drinking TruBlood? Does he love you or does he love how you taste? There is no way of knowing but you’re not helping yourself by reconnecting with him after only being broken up for 45 minutes.

Yes, Sookie Stackhouse, you are a dumb bitch! Who waits around in their house all alone for weres and the fucking vampire King of Louisiana and Mississippi to come get them, armed only with a two-gauge shot gun and the vampire blood in their veins? Dumb bitches, that’s who. Oh and the “Bill will save me” justification just set back the feminist movement 500 years or whenever else the stories of Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel and Snow White were supposed to have taken place. You have shamed womankind. You have shamed Book Sookie. By the way, next time you have a gun trained on Debbie Pelt, do yourself a favor and shoot the bitch.

Yes, Sookie Stackhouse, you are a dumb bitch! Tara Thornton maybe suffering PTSD from her own trauma, but your best friend has always given you sage advice. All your lame excuses just make you sound like you’re parroting Gran out of context. You seem happy to dwell in Stupidville with your brother, rather than trying to learn from your experiences and see the light (literally). How many times do you have to be drained and visited by soft-lit dancing supermodels before you realize the error of your ways?

As I see it, you and Bill deserve each other. He’s a weak and petty vampire and you’re his idiot blood bag consort. Despite Eric’s revenge-fueled single-mindedness, you are not deserving of him. Despite Alcide’s questionable devotion to the skankalicious were-ho Debbie (who you are in no position to call trash), you are not deserving of him either.

Even though, you and Bill deserve each other, it is still not meant to be. Bill has responsibilities. Bill has a vampire child in desperate need of guidance and care. Jessica has been neglected and left ignorant for too long. Even you, in your “Beel, Beel, Beel!” hysteria have failed to see her desperate cries for help. For her sake alone, you need to let Bill go. When Bill takes the time to father Jessica, amazing things happen (like Jessica saving your lame ass from Were-Swayze).

So here is my advice to you, Ms. Stackhouse. Take some time to be alone. Angry sex with Bill is not really appropriate when your house is lying in ruins from Maryanne and a were-attack. Read some good books and fill your brains with new ideas and possibilities. Find out more about your ancestry and try to develop your abilities. Learn to stand up for yourself the way you did before Bill showed up and became your perennial knight in shining armor. Oh, and the next time you see Alcide Herveaux, don’t just nuzzle him. Plant a big fat kiss on his lips and squeeze his bum.

Your friend,


Now despite my disgust and disillusionment, there were somethings I enjoyed about episode 8. I really loved Sam and Tommy bonding and acting like brothers. Sam is still trying to figure Tommy out and Tommy doesn’t know what to do with himself. Joe Lee never allowed him to dream. I’m actually keen to see Tommy do well. I’m big on redemption. His trying to fight Hoyt was a low-point though. When Tara and Sam hugged, I will admit, I teared up a little bit. I always felt that those two were not done with each other.  I loved that Jesus and Lafayette reconciled, but I’m not sure how I feel about Laffy’s “power”. I’m hoping one of his abilities is to heal brain-damaged blonds (which would cover both Stackhouses and Crystal Norris).

Calvin Norris continues to be a huge contrast from his book self. Sam and Calvin may not have been buddies in the books, but they respected each other. I wish they had held up the Jason/Crystal plot until season 4, but I guess they have to find something for Jason to do. Watching two extremely dense individuals fall in love is like watching paint dry. They definitely have chemistry and look cute together.

Saving the best for last, I must say I enjoyed Eric’s revenge and the seduction that lead up to it. “I’m bored. Take off your clothes.” Thank you. Eric hasn’t been naked since the season opener. That is really an incredibly long time between drinks. I thought the scene was well-acted, given Eric’s real intentions and Talbot’s general obliviousness. Too bad he staked Talbot just as Russell was about to kill Bill. I am now so scared for Eric. I knew he was taking a huge risk going up against a vampire thrice his age (and probably thrice as powerful). With the Magister murdered in his basement, our beautiful and giant viking vampire is caught between a rock and a hard place. Then again, he’s avenged his human family. Maybe, like Godric, he’s ready to move on. Um, no. I’m not done with you yet.


The bodies are piling up on this show. This is probably the bloodiest season ever. Last week we had Lorena, The Magister, Cooter, numerous fighting dogs and some poor schmuck of a were that Alcide ran over.  This week …

Talbot – 700 years of giant mansions, blood bisque, diamond slippers and vampire boys all came to an end when his last vampire boy lover decided to stake him. At least he died in his favorite position – taking it from behind.

Were-Swayze – after Cooter was shot in the head, I knew that no were was safe. Don’t you know by now that going after Sookie Stackhouse is like this show’s version of a death wish? Jessica, I hope he wasn’t too crusty and dried up for you.

Some poor unfortunate deer – Those [spoiler] trash from Hotshot apparently like to hunt deer as well as their cousins. May I just suggest adding a little salt and seasoning then cooking the venison first. It tastes better; I promise.

You know what won’t die? Joe Lee Mickens’s nasty not-so-whities. They were thankfully missing from this episode. Can we burn them now, Alan Ball? If they show up in another episode, I am going to file a complaint with the FCC. And while we’re having a little chat, Mr. Ball, where is the love triangle that the promos keep promising? Eric and Sookie are even further apart than they were before Godric’s demise and you pretty much put an end to any chances Sookie and Alcide had with their “We’re so stupid” speech. I’d just like to repeat this in case anyone might have forgotten: Sookie Stackhouse is a dumb bitch.

Screencaps Source:


3 Responses to “True Wishes: Sookie and Bill really grate in episode eight”

  1. A. Nona Mouse August 11, 2010 at 4:57 am #

    So very much agree!

    • Singlarity August 11, 2010 at 2:35 pm #

      Thanks. I’m getting a little frustrated with this season. I don’t remember being this dissatisfied last year.

  2. missberlish August 11, 2010 at 7:44 pm #

    Tara was right about Sookie being a dumb bitch. She should have ravaged Alcide right there on the front porch. Dumb, dumb, dumb. *shakes head*

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