True Wishes: Alan Ball gave me the bends in Episode Ten

29 Aug

More like a True Nightmare. I absolutely hated episode ten. HATED IT. I apologize for the late and short review, but I’m on vacation and typing this between relaxing on the beach and swatting mosquitoes.

On my hate list this week:

(and it’s all hate this week)

1. Emo-Schmoopy-Sookie-worshiping Eric. You may have slightly redeemed yourself in my eyes by locking the dumb waitress in the basement. It really is a low for Eric when my Pammy Pam Pam has to invoke the name of Godric to remind him that he is VAMPIRE and that he should care nothing for humans … even annoying faery ones. Remember, the humans are destroying the planet and themselves (a.k.a. your food supply). I find myself on the side of Russell Edgington, you know, before he went currrrazy. I need therapy.

2. Sam Merlotte’s downward spiral. I knew it was coming because being in the presence of the Mickens clan can only bring you down, but damn, Sam. Get your shit together. And get back together with Tara, please. Like now. Also, tell your mangy brother to stay away from Jessica and Hoyt

3. Jesus and La La’s not so excellent v adventure. I love Jesus and Lafayette together but WTF was that? And why did it have to be 15 minutes long? I hope that there is a payoff to all of this … in Season 4. Right now, I’d be happy to have this shit on the back-burner. Can’t we just have them go back to having awkwardly cute sex for the remainder of Season 3?

4. Arlene is too dumb to live much less be the mother of 2 children and expecting a third. As I sit here, childless and boyfriendless, it burns me to know that there are many Arlenes out there, blessed with wonderful, sensitive and loyal men like Terry Bellefleur (yes, he’s a bit loco en cabesa) and to have two (reasonably cute) kids, Coby and Lisa, who seem to not have inherited her intellectual deficit. It’s just not fair. Someone should let her know that hair dye isn’t good for the baby, even if it’s … EVIL! Ugh.

5. There is absolutely too much shit going on for me to even digest much less list. ENOUGH!! No more new characters! No more new plotlines! No more new supes! I cannot believe I am saying this because I love enormous ensembles but JESUS F**KING LAFAYETTE, I have had enough!

RIP:

1. Tony, the rent boy: I’m sorry you had the misfortune of being a poor, psycho, revenge-fueled, downward-spiraling vampire king’s version of his 700-year lover, Talbot. You deserved better, like maybe a bath, a shave and diamond slippers first.

2. Calvin Norris’ procreating days: I think this is a good thing considering that the best and brightest of his offspring is Crystal and unlike Tommy, whose cheese done fell off his cracker, she never had cheese to begin with.

I’m really hoping this will be better tonight. If not, there’s always Season 4. I can write off this entire season and move forward, just like Season 5 of Supernatural (what a load of angst-filled horse shit that was).

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