True Wishes: Bill Compton, I fart in your general direction

15 Sep

“Oh what a tangled web we weave when at first Sookie we deceive.”

As I told Babcia Wampir (a.k.a. Wampy) yesterday, this season finale was very satisfying – more satisfying than Maryann’s heart being squeezed to ash after being gored by Sam from the season 2 finale.  You know I’ve never been a fan of Bill Compton. My dislike is well-documented. However, all I had held to hold against him initially was his possessive and condescending treatment of Sookie, his neglect of Jessica and his general lameness. Now, I finally have a legitimate reason to hate him – he tried to kill my Pammy Pam Pam. Plus he got cement up in Eric’s hair. Well, the cement was everywhere on Eric, to be fair. He’s probably got cement in his belly button and his anus. That is so wrong. Eric, I volunteer to help you remove it. I promise to be less squeamish and screamish than Ginger.  But back to Bill’s greatest infraction. No one puts Pammy Pam Pam in the corner. NO ONE. I will neither forget nor forgive this. Bill, you’d be dead to me, if you weren’t already dead to the world. It was amazing to watch how quickly Bill devolved into a Sookie-crack addict. Gollum comes to mind, not that I think Sookie is preciousssssssss. Stephen Moyer was amazing.

“One blond to rule them all, one blond to find them, one blond to bring them in and in her blood bind them.”

Oh, Sookie, my child, to be violated in so many ways by the man you thought you loved. It was understandable that you ran to Gran’s grave, but faery paradise with the bright light, dancing and the prancing? Girl, that shit gets tired real quick. When you return, go hang with Pam. You need to learn how to be cold and heartless, because with your luck you know a lot of hard shit and pain is headed your way. Please don’t go back to Bill in season 4. Instead, may I recommend going to college for some courses in Greek mythology.

Okay, a moment of honesty here. No self-respecting black woman would ever take a scissors to her braided weave like Tara did in the season finale. NOT ONE OF US. That shit was pure fiction. First of all, what Tara was sporting was easily worth over $900 from the human hair (imported from India) to the 12 hours of labour it took to put in. I don’t care if she just saw her mama servicing the pastor. You don’t mess with your weave. Also, there is no way that it would look the way it did afterwards, unless Sookie has a hair salon in her medicine cabinet. Finally, the end result was … fugly IMHO. The lighting was bad, so maybe under the light of day I might appreciate it. Still, I’m glad that Tara got a new do. Three seasons of the same tired weave would have made me go insane. Tara, when you come back, I hope you come back with a better weave.

Jason, the Saviour of Hot Shot. WTF? Calvin Norris wasn’t a moron and he couldn’t save Hot Shot. How in God’s name is Jason supposed to do that? This is not Mad Max leading the little children beyond the Thunderdome. This is Jason “I love the smell of nail polish in the morning” Stackhouse. Y’all need to pray for those poor inbred people. Things are about to get worse for Uncle Daddy Calvin’s folks. Still, I don’t mind seeing the back of Crystal and her half-brother Fenton, but something tells me that those two will be back. I am incredibly disappointed with Andy Bellefleur though. I know things have been rough, but don’t turn to V, my chubby Sheriff. Just say no.

With Talbot’s remains down the garbage disposal and Russel’s crispy corspe buried under cement, I’m in mourning. Why Eric let Russel ‘live’ is beyond me and Pam doesn’t understand either. Neither his death nor his cementation (I know that’s not a word, Squiggly Red Line, but I have a PhD so I can invent shit now) satisfied Angel Godric, so I don’t understand Eric’s reasoning. Still, the blond viking came through in the end when he exposed Bill for the Sookie-blood-addict that he is. That was truly the most satisfying scene of the entire season for me. It made every frustration with Eric’s characterization, Bill’s Vampire Jesus ascension and Sookie’s blind love go away.

Now I only hope Bill survives his tussle with Sophie Anne  so that he can tell his progeny, Jessica, what a bad idea it is for her to move in with her food source, er… , I mean true love, Hoyt. I know they adore each other but it’s too soon to be playing house, especially with creepy baby dolls lying on the floor. Also, Mrs. Fortenberry, put down that rifle, you meddling bitch!

Oh, La La. We all knew Jesus was a witch from the moment he started talking about his mammy taking him all over the world. There’s a reason he returned to the great state of Louisiana. The jury is still out on whether the most gorgeous man on television (besides Eric Northman and Don Draper) can be trusted. If I were you, Lafayette, I’d shag him a few times more, just to be sure.

RIP

  • Calvin Norris – may you find better characterization in death than you found in True Blood life
  • Uncle Daddy Calvin’s nephew son – may you find better dental hygiene in death than you found in life.

We all know that Tommy isn’t dead. Sam is a killer but his poor puppy brother can’t read. As cold as Sam can be, you know he’s got a heart of gold. You know he probably just shot him in the ass, like any of us would do when our little brothers are being … a pain in the ass.  I don’t expect happy families next season, but I think Tommy will grow from this experience when he realizes that Sam loved him enough not the shoot him in the back. When you’re that much of a whiny-ass imp as Tommy is, that’s real love.

Well, it was an up and down season. I loved a lot and I hated a lot and I’m fairly happy where it ended. Eric may not have killed Russel and that will come back to haunt him, but I do realize that he’s willing to give up his life to save the world and my Pammy Pam Pam, so he’s gold to me. Sookie is in a better place, albeit incredibly fae. Tara is still a badass and off to reinvent herself. Plus my Pammy Pam Pam survived the season.

Screencaps Source: SkarsgardNews.com

~*~

RetroVixen’s response:

[Plus he got cement up in Eric’s hair. ]

LOL!!! Yes, Eric’s hair is pretty much the definition of perfection, and BILL TRIED TO DESTROY THIS. D:
Bitch is jealous. That’s the only logical for reason for what he did.

[It was amazing to watch how quickly Bill devolved into a Sookie-crack addict. ]

YES! And the way he was hanging on the door frame? So. Desperate. Although I didn’t like how blasé Eric was about Sookeh’s pain. He was all, “Sorry that this ended so terribly for you. My dead heart bleeds for you. Really.” 😐

[Please don’t go back to Bill in season 4.]

OMG. If she goes back I will be so PISSED. She will be on my shit list for EVER. He has taken advantage of her and lied so many times, how can she go back?! I’d have no more respect for her. She needs to move on to either Alcide or Eric. Although I’m sure they’re going to choose Eric for her.

[Okay, a moment of honesty here. No self-respecting black woman would ever take a scissors to her braided weave like Tara did in the season finale. NOT ONE OF US. That shit was pure fiction. First of all, what Tara was sporting was easily worth over $900 from the human hair (imported from India) to the 12 hours of labour it took to put in. I don’t care if she just saw her mama servicing the pastor. You don’t mess with your weave.]

Nat…this entire paragraph is beautiful. OMG. I LOVE IT.
And you’re right about her new look. It’s..what the fuck, Tara, honestly, WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? It’s not attractive on her at all! And that scene was so cliched. I felt like I was watching a Lifetime movie. Cutting the hair symbolizing a new outlook on life and a fresh start, yadda yadda….Tara, fix your hair. Immediately.

I can’t even speak about Jason and Calvin. I’m still upset about how they character raped him.

The whole Godric thing was so cheesy! The King had to die. If he remained alive they all would have been dead, the Vampire Rights movement would have sustained even more damage (and the kind of damage that is beyond repair), and yet Godric is all turn the other cheek. WTF. Maybe Eric was on something. I hope. Otherwise that is a cheesy storyline that I’m going to ignore.

Mrs. Fortenberry is stirring up trouble…I hope Jessica and Hoyt don’t break up! They’re so adorable together! 😦

[We all know that Tommy isn’t dead. Sam is a killer but his poor puppy brother can’t read.]

This was my FAVORITE scene in the finale! OMG. I know it was supposed to be a heartbreaking moment of two brothers losing their family bond or what not, but when Tommy was all, “I CAN’T READ!” and Sam’s reply consisting of, “NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM”, I just lost it. I still crack up thinking about this scene. STILL.

Your review was spot on, as usual! And as always, an enjoyable read! 😀

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7 Responses to “True Wishes: Bill Compton, I fart in your general direction”

  1. missberlish September 15, 2010 at 9:51 pm #

    I love your reviews! I, personally, did not care for the Season Finale. Nothing about this season has really given me the suspense or sexiness from Season 1. Alas, the vampire honeymoon is over and now I face the dullness of routine. Anywho, on a different note, I think I have Skarsfever again 🙂

    • Nibby September 15, 2010 at 10:47 pm #

      Oh noes! How did you manage to let that flare up again?

  2. missberlish September 16, 2010 at 3:44 pm #

    I think it was when I saw him covered in cement LOL

    • nibbynibby September 16, 2010 at 4:06 pm #

      ……………….
      Somebody better warn Thomas. I smell a Halloween costume coming.

  3. missberlish September 16, 2010 at 3:46 pm #

    You know, I was wondering about Tara’s hair too. I’ve cut my own hair and it doesn’t look nearly as cute or even.

    • nibbynibby September 16, 2010 at 4:07 pm #

      Exactly! It’s the magic of television.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Jessica Fenton - October 15, 2010

    True Wishes: Bill Compton, I fart in your general direction…

    I found your entry interesting :)…

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