When fandoms collide …

23 Oct

Please can I haz dem in a moobie togedder? I willz forget Skarsgard. Promise (with fingers crossed behind my back). Gerard Butler and Hugh Jackman both attended a Global Poverty Project event. This photo makes me very happy.

"Gerry's ass is A-OK!"

"Let the fanfiction begin!"

So what kind of movie should these too star in – action adventure, spy thriller, shoot-em-up, romantic comedy, buddy comedy, dark comedy, period piece, sword and sandals epic, science fiction, comic book hero, musical? So long as Jennifer Aniston, Katherine Heigl, Hillary Swank, Gwyneth Paltrow or Nicole Kidman are nowhere near this film, I would watch it – 3 times.

I think they would make the perfect pair in an update of Tango & Cash, with Gerry playing Kurt Russell’s role and Hugh taking on Stallone’s character. Think how much better The Bounty Hunter would have been in Jennifer Aniston had been replaced by Hugh Jackman, and instead of tracking down his ex-wife, Gerry tries to hunt his estranged brother. In fact, if we look at all the films Gerry and Hugh Jackman have been in since 300 and X-men: The Last Stand respectively, they could all be improved by a bit of re-casting.

Let’s see:

P.S. I Love You – Replace Hillary Swank with Hugh Jackman. Gerry and Hugh are two brothers from Ireland who start this band and they become really popular but then Gerry dies suddenly and Hugh is left without his bandmate when most people think that Gerry was the one behind all their greatest hits. Hugh has to find a way to prove himself on his own and take the last songs that Gerry left him (one of which is P. S. I Love You) and make a hit out of them. James Marsters stars as another bandmate and Harry Connick Jr. auditions to replace Gerry as lead singer. See? Doesn’t that sound better than watching Hillary Swank act bitchy and cry for 2 hours?

Australia – Replace Nicole Kidman with Gerard Butler. Gerry escapes gambling debts and 3 wives in Scotland by heading to Australia where his recently deceased father has land and cattle. He knows nothing about being a rancher and knocks head with Drover (Hugh Jackman). But after some knock-down-drag-out fights and bonding over their ability to drink copious amounts of alcohol and ride horses backwards, the two decide to go up against the big cattle ranchers, just as World War II is about to get real for the Aussies. David Wenham and Bryan Brown still play the deliciously evil baddies and tempt Gerry to gamble away the ranch so that they will have complete beef domination. Yes, I said beef domination. Doesn’t that sound better than watching Nicole Kidman sweat, pout and try to emote with her botoxed face for 3 hours?

The Ugly Truth – Replace Katherine Heigl with Hugh Jackman. Hugh plays a Harvard-educated intellectual with a stuffy news magazine show whose ratings are in decline. Gerry plays an openly gay popular shock-jock rival. When Jackman’s network merges with Gerry’s, producers put the two of them together hoping that their odd-couple chemistry will mean big ratings, not knowing that Jackman is a closeted homosexual. The sexual tension rises between the two as they take on such hot-button issues as gay marriage and Paris Hilton’s cooter. Doesn’t that sound a lot better than watching 90 minutes of Katherine Heigl pretending not to find Gerard Butler attractive and suddenly and inexplicably changing her mind in the end? I think so.

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6 Responses to “When fandoms collide …”

  1. Smokey October 23, 2010 at 5:59 pm #

    I think you are right. I would love those movies you just described. I would buy the DVDs and just watch them over and over and over….

    • Singlarity October 23, 2010 at 7:12 pm #

      Thanks. I have a Gerard Butler movie collection and now I’m looking at all of these films differently. Hugh Jackman would make all of them better.

  2. missberlish October 27, 2010 at 5:25 pm #

    LOL Hugh Jackman makes everything better.

  3. Lexi Ho October 31, 2010 at 2:23 pm #

    I just sent this post to a bunch of my friends as I agree with most of what you’re saying here and the way you’ve presented it is awesome.

  4. Ayn Rant November 4, 2010 at 1:10 pm #

    ALL OF THIS. All of it. YES.

  5. Anonymous November 6, 2010 at 4:13 pm #

    I just book marked your blog on Digg and StumbleUpon.I enjoy reading your commentaries.

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