No True Blood, No Problem: We have a True Blood Christmas

3 Dec

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Shreveport
All the two-natured were turning, even the were-cohort.
Werewolves and panthers were stripping themselves bare,
In hopes of not ruining Yuletide sweaters knit with care.

The vampires were rousing from their daytime death,
With visions of drainings that would soon snatch your breath.
And Sookie in her nightdress, and Jason in next to nothing,
Separately dreamed that Eric was definitely up to something.

When down in Fantasia’s basement arose such a clatter,
Pam sprang into action to see what was the matter.
Away to the basement door she flew like a flash,
Tearing down the steps to check on the V stash.

To her greatest surprise she found a fat man all in red
Washing down the v-juice with the help of ginger bread.
He spoke with eyes glazed over and his cheeks all a glow.
“Santa needs to move faster these days, don’t you know!”

Pam’s strength and sharp fangs gave old St. Nick such a fright,
“Put down the v, dear Santa! You’ve had enough for tonight!”
Wasting no time, Santa rang a bell and his reindeer came,
Then he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

Before he could leave, Pam grabbed St. Nicholas by the ear.
“Next Christmas, I better not find your fat ass down here.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” said a relieved St. Nick
“Let’s keep this between us. Please, don’t tell Eric.”

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3 Responses to “No True Blood, No Problem: We have a True Blood Christmas”

  1. Babcia Wampir December 3, 2010 at 3:35 pm #

    LOL! Excellent, Nibs!

  2. missberlish December 3, 2010 at 5:26 pm #

    Bravo, bravo! I must share this 🙂

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. ‘True Blood’ Christmas Poem « Crooked Kitty - December 3, 2010

    […] over at Singlarity rewrote a Christmas poem with a ‘True Blood’ theme. Check out, “A True Blood Christmas”, it’s […]

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