I’m Just Being Honest: The New Interpol

8 Dec

Since Interpol has added the elimination of international douchebaggery to its jurisdiction, I have decided to compile a list of offenses that they should give top priority.  Imagine my (joyful) surprise to read that being a player and duplicitous to the women you are dating are now arrestable offenses. Or maybe I just don’t understand Swedish law very well. I really need to move to Stockholm. My ex would have been strung up on charges of cheating on me while I was having major surgery and dumping me just before Christmas, so that he got to keep the present I bought him without having to get me anything.  Click here to read more about Julian Assange – Man of International Douchebaggery, then read the list below.

Remember, douchebaggery permeates every level of society, but not all douchebags are equal. Most of the douchebags I hate are inconsiderate, lazy or sloppy drivers.

1. People who drive Hummers

2. People who park sideways and take up 2-3 parking spots

3. People who don’t say thank you when you hold open the door for them

4. People who don’t stop at pedestrian crossings even when the pedestrian has already stepped off the curb

5. People who back out of parking spots without looking back

6. People who continue to keep Justin Bieber relevant

7. Stephanie Meyer. Just lock her up, Interpol ,and don’t let her anywhere near a computer or word processor

8. Tom Cruise. No explanation necessary.

9. Dick Cheney. Seriously, no explanation necessary

10. People who show up to your dinner party empty-handed and don’t leave until they’ve emptied your fridge and liquor cabinet.

11. Landlords who don’t fix things until you threaten to call the fire department about the firetrap you are living in.

12. Significant others who never give compliments because they don’t want you to know how lovely you are because you’d probably think you could do better

13. Significant others who tell you that you can’t do any better

14. People who flick cigarette butts or dump fast food containers from their cars on the highway

15. The clerks at Le Chateâu that snicker when they tell you that they don’t keep your size upfront and that they probably won’t have it around the back either.

16. Fox for canceling FireflyThe Sarah Conor Chronicles and countless other shows that were really awesome and needed time to develop and instead giving us meaningless seasons of American Idol.

17. People who say criticizing Israeli policies or leaders makes you anti-Semitic.

Gosh, I could go on …

I’m sure you have your own list of top deeds of douchebaggery. I’d love to hear them.


2 Responses to “I’m Just Being Honest: The New Interpol”

  1. Wayne January 5, 2011 at 6:06 am #

    After first I thought you were talking about the band. That would have been so much more interesting.

    • Singlarity January 5, 2011 at 3:20 pm #

      I couldn’t agree with you more. I love Interpol.

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