Faux News: GOP asks American Electorate for extension on assignment

7 Mar

It seemed like a pretty straightforward assignment for the Republican Party. Find a strong opponent to go up against the incumbent president in the 2012 election. Obama isn’t exactly winning people over with high approval ratings. Yet, the American electorate deserves a worthy alternative from the right. However, no one that wouldn’t make Obama look like he’s got rainbows shooting out of his ass has come forward.

So far we have Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman. Yes, I said Michelle Bachman. Mitt Romney seems like the front-runner but he isn’t exactly A material, given that in the previous presidential primaries he failed to surpass a senile John McCain. Mike Huckabee is a supreme douchebag. Sarah Palin is a joke. Finally, Michelle Bachman still doesn’t know that Canada is not a part of the US. If the GOP were to hand in its assignment today, it would receive a resounding F. Hence the request for an extension on the assignment.

Mary Rippler, long time GOP supporter explains:

“We just need more time. Like till 2013. Or 2015 the latest. This current submission doesn’t really reflect our real worth. If we could just postpone the due date a little bit, it would really help. We’ve been having a lot of trouble at home, you know. Things have been a bit tense and it’s been hard for us to focus and buckle down and get to work. Our siblings, the tea-partiers have been raising such a ruckus that it’s so hard to even hear our own thoughts. Plus, Grandma died last week and it was such an emotional thing. So if we could just get a little more time, we promise to put forward our best. Even if  you want to penalize us by letting Obama run the country for a little longer, we’re willing to deal with the consequences. Please have mercy!”

Disclaimer: Please note that Faux News is just that – fake news. Any mention of actual persons or assholes, living or dead, is for the sake of humor. Nothing here is to be taken seriously or as fact. You can judge the merit for yourself.


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