No True Blood No Problem: Sons of Anarchy is my new crack

23 Mar

There are no vampires, werewolves, shape-shifters, witches, angels, demons or fairies. The main characters are not teenagers,  nor do they hang around with teenagers. The female lead, Gemma Tiller, is not a damsel in distress who is torn between two tortured men. In fact, the female lead could stake Eric Northman, Damon Salvatore and Edward Cullen, then beat the shit out of Sam and Dean Winchester, all in the time it takes for Katy Segal to get her nails done. Seriously, I would never cross that woman. In other words, Sons of Anarchy is not for the screaming hordes of 13 year-old girls and their mothers that love Justin Bieber and think that Taylor Swift is an amazing songwriter. Blech!

Shit! I’ve only seen three episodes of the show and I am seriously wondering what the fuck have I been doing these three years since it premiered on FX. Seriously, WTF? Also, um, Charlie Hunnam is so very very very very pretty even with his blond locks grown out and some questionable facial hair. I first noticed him in 2002’s Nicholas Nickelby going up against a very gruff Christopher Plummer. However, just like I did with Matt Damon, I completely forgot how hot he was until I saw him again on Sons of Anarchy. I have only Air Canada’s inflight entertainment on a 7-hour trans-Atlantic flight to thank for my re-acquaintance with his fine ass. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Seriously, it’s not just about the pretty. It’s the underlying Shakespearean themes, the complete and utter badass that is Ron Perlman’s Clay, the ruthlessness of Katy Segal’s Gemma and the volatility of Charlie Hunnam’s Jax that makes me want more. I actually (heart) Half-sack. I can’t wait till this weekend so I can marathon my way through the first season. I am prepared for my butt to become numb.

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