Faux News: Canadian government to hold elections in May so as to not be overshadowed by US Presidential Election

26 Mar

The folks at Elections Canada are jumping for joy! Not having a general election at the same time the US is holding Presidential or mid-term elections is a boon for Canadian politics, which have been largely ignored at the national and international level. Conservative MP Mort Bullsheath explains:

“We knew we had to act quickly by proposing the most ridiculous federal budget ever, thus forcing the opposition parties to push for a vote of no confidence. It’s all a part of the big plan to get Canada some decent international attention. Last time we held elections in 2008, no one really noticed, not even Canadians. To add insult to injury, some of those people that went to the polls wanted to vote for Obama and were royally pissed when they couldn’t.”

Babsy Braine of  Elections Canada outlined their strategy:

“We are determined to learn from our past mistakes. Last time, we had two grey-haired, polite and intelligent white guys as the head of the major parties. No one wants to see that shit this time around. If we could just get some lively personalities and debates going, we could really make a dent. We could even get mentioned on the third page of some Australian newspapers. We are currently searching for our very own Michelle Bachman but finding a big-breasted Canadian woman with a low IQ is proving difficult. “

The general public for the most part is not convinced that anything will change this time around. Most polls show that the majority of Canadians care more about the Royal Wedding in April than the upcoming general election. Mario Simpleton echoed this sentiment.

“Let’s face it. [Prime Minister] Stephen Harper can’t compete with a princess bride with cute dimples.”

I am inclined to agree.

 

Prime Minister Stephen Harper tries to sneak one out ...

Disclaimer: Please note that Faux News is just that – fake news. Any mention of actual persons or assholes, living or dead, is for the sake of humor. Nothing here is to be taken seriously or as fact. You can judge the merit for yourself.

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