Tag Archives: love

Songs for Valentine’s Day … sorta :-)

13 Feb

There’s all kinds of love out there. I’m dedicating this to my little cuddly-kitty, Baxter. He only loves me because I feed him and give him belly rubs, but as I was told recently by a friend, lots of guys operate in the same way. For many Valentine’s Day isn’t just about showing the people you love how deep that love is, it’s also about facing the truth about your feelings – good or bad.

For the recent inhabitants of Splitsville:

For those of us who really want to get even with our exes:

For the deeply miserable but stuck

For those of us separated by time or space from the ones we love:

For those of us who have moved on and are loving the freedom

For those of us about to take the big risk (don’t but if you must):

For those of us who are too in love with ourselves for a relationship:

Finally, for those of us filled with self-pity:

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It’s coming … dia del saber de soltero

6 Feb

Not that I'm bitter or anything ...

February 14th is a Sunday this year. It would be a perfectly normal and wonderful Sunday if people in relationships didn’t feel obligated to book out my favorite restaurant, buy out the tickets at my favorite movie theater, leave the shelves of my favorite fudge shop bare, rent out the latest DVD releases, or eviscerate the farmer’s market of all the cut flowers. These acts are all completely uncoordinated but since they all coincide on one particularly frosty February day, it can feel like the universe is giving me the middle finger.

I’m a romantic. I like seeing other people in love and I’ve got no problem walking around people on sidewalks who insist on staring into each other’s eyes, while holding hands and taking 4 steps per minute. I don’t mind it 364 days of the year. People couple up all the time and get schmoopy, silly and giddy. It’s awesome. It’s just that on February 14th, the schmoopiness, silliness and giddiness reaches record levels while my tolerance for them seems to reach record lows.

... even for the unloved.

So someone like me that wants to treat this day like any other day of the year and doesn’t make plans in advance is just shit of out luck if I want to venture outside of my house and do my normal activities, like walking down the street or going to the Lebanese place for a donair. The simple truth is that if you want to enjoy Valentines’ Day as a single you’ve got to act like you’re not single. You have to be pro-active and make plans (with your similarly afflicted friends), even if those plans are to do nothing at all. Even being left completely to your own devices is difficult on VD, as evidenced by last year’s 2am orgasmic wake-up call courtesy of my neighbors.  Make earplugs part of your plans. I’m not sure why the obligatory VD shag has to be louder than normal, but I digress.

Simply winging it will just lead to exasperation and frustration, which if unchecked can lead to you calling your mother and crying over the phone, not that I’ve ever done that. Jerry Razon at UrbanDictionary.com said it best:

Singles Awareness Day is also abbreviated “SAD” which can be found quite fitting to many people, ironic to the people in relationships, and quite clever to those who don’t give a shit either way.

When I was a kid, my parents always did stuff with us for Valentines’ Day, so I’ve never really had a negative feeling about the holiday as you would expect someone who is chronically single. I continue the tradition to this day as I always send my mother (and my grandmother when she was alive) something for Valentines’ Day. As my Dad would say, there are all different kinds of love and all of them need to be celebrated. So this year, I plan to show some love to all my sweethearts and I’ve got loads of them – too many to name.

Awww yeah!

Last year, I made special plans to get me through the festival of loneliness, but they got derailed, ironically, by a man who ended up leaving me high and dry for Valentines’ Day. This year, I will be more vigilant. I am not going to fall for anyone between now and the 14th. NO WAY. My plans are set. I don’t care if he looks like Alexander Skarsgard.

Not my Valentine. Pity.

Well, … no, no, no … no! I shall not be tempted. February 14th is going to be my day!

This guy needs a handjob

So, while I continue to search for a decent man who won’t mind mowing my lawn, I’d rather be on my own than caught in a bad romance. Speaking of which …

Alex never said she was fat.

Love: Long Con or Long Lasting

5 Jun

Is love the greatest con artist? Is it a mere coincidence that falling in love puts one in a similar state of confusion as if you had just been bamboozled? A confidence scheme exploits someone’s weaknesses or virtues in order to defraud them of something precious. Is love really supposed to take you for all you’re worth?

What this question really boils down to is whether or not love is exploitation. To this, I must say emphatically no. By its very definition, love is selfless. “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Er, that’s bullshit. I agree with John Lennon who said “Love means having to say you’re sorry every fifteen minutes.” Love isn’t about neglecting to do the bare minimum, taking things for granted and getting your own way.

So, if you really want to know whether you are in a loving relationship or a long con, you need to figure out whose interests are being served in the relationship. If it is decidedly one-sided, then you know you’re in a long con and you should act on this knowledge.

Sometimes along the way, a loving relationship can turn into a long con, making you wonder if it was ever a loving relationship in the first place or some really long confidence scheme. I have no answer for that. I just think it is important to recognize if and when things change, keeping in mind that you could very well be the confidence man.

That’s right. You might think you love someone when in fact you’re just using them. It’s hard to recognize when you’re being conned. It’s sometimes even harder to recognize and then admit when you’re actually the asshole. We don’t always mean to take without giving, but sometimes we’re just too wrapped up in ourselves to see it.

So, what is the point of all this? I think we should all strive to be good lovers (and I’m not talking about perfecting your neck-wetting and nipple twisting techniques) and to also demand respect and affection from those who claim to love us. I don’t think it’s necessarily a personality trait or something certain people are naturally inclined to do. I think this is something you just have to decide and make a conscious effort to be good at.

Love long and prosper.

So what now?

5 Dec

So it’s been over a month since I was unceremoniously dumped and my ex already has a new girlfriend. I can officially forget about him changing his mind. Exactly, how long am I allowed to wallow in self-pity, bore my friends with stories of how I’m better off without him and imagine countless ways in which he meets his demise just seconds after realizing what a horrendous mistake he’s made? Honestly, everyone says time heals and the like but no one says exactly how much time. Frankly, I am so ready to be over him, but the process is excruciatingly long. How long will it be before I can sit on my own f**king couch and not recall in great detail what if felt like snuggling up with him on it? I long for the time to come when I can get through an entire evening without thinking about him and wondering what he’s doing right now with his new flame.

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Why I can’t say “I love you”

18 Aug

Is it cowardice? Maybe. Are my fears justified? Definitely. When you’re in a relationship that based mostly on actions and very few words, you just don’t throw in those three little words without some serious thought. Three little words. They’re only little in length, not in significance. They’re deal-makers and heart-breakers. There’s a part of me that wants to be the first to say it and then there’s the other part of me that wants to be first to hear it. Does it matter? Does a wild bear crap in the woods? It’s been some time now since my heart has been saying it and it won’t shut the frak up. It keeps beating it out, taunting me and haunting me. “Say it,” my heart whispers every time I end a phone conversation, every time I pull away from a goodbye kiss and every time I curl up next to him. It’s as if there’s no other sound in the room except my impatient beating heart. For now I’m ignoring it and bide my time. I’m waiting for the perfect moment. I’m waiting till we’re both drunk.