Faux News: Tom Cruise is the new ‘Spawn’

7 Aug

You know how sometimes, in order to be politically correct and avoid being accused of racial profiling airport security will inexplicably pull some elderly white lady out of the line and do a secondary search and mini-interrogation? Well, in order to respond to criticism over the lack of diversity in recent casting of comic-book-inspired movies, Warner Bros has inexplicably decided to cast Tom Cruise as ‘Spawn’. Spawn was previously played by Michael Jai White, an African American actor, in the 1997 film. In a joint statement, the film’s director Zac Snyder and Buddy Linden, a Warner Bros executive, said “There will be a lot of angry people whatever we decide to do but at least now the viewing public can’t accuse of doing the obvious. You can’t get much more out there and fucked up as Tom Cruise. The fact that we’re willing to put up with the Scientology tents and monochromatic dresscode for the crew shows our commitment to diversity.”


Disclaimer: Please note that Faux News is just that – fake news. Any mention of actual persons or assholes, living or deadis for the sake of humor. Nothing here is to be taken seriously or as fact. You can judge the merit for yourself.

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