Faux News: “We were on a break,” says Obama

9 Aug

As more and more former supporters decide to break up with him, President Obama has taken to spouting cliches. In his latest address, hoping to calm fears of a deep recession as well as bolster his campaign coffers, the President explained that his lack of success in delivering campaign promises and his faltering leadership over the last 4 years are really not his fault. In fact, it’s really the fault of the American people. “You gave up on me too soon,” said Obama before pausing to wipe a phantom tear from his left eye. “You pulled away from me and I did the best that I could. As far as I knew, we were on a break. Anything goes when you’re on a break.”

So where do we go from here? According to Obama, relationship counselling and stronger communication are key to America’s survival during these difficult times. “We need to stay together and see this through. For the sake of the children, this dysfunctional relationship cannot continue.” The President also hinted that America needed to alter its expectations. “I’m not going to get it right, every night of the week. There’s a lot you will have to do for yourselves. I don’t mind paying for the C-size batteries.”

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Disclaimer: Please note that Faux News is just that – fake news. Any mention of actual persons or assholes, living or deadis for the sake of humor. Nothing here is to be taken seriously or as fact. You can judge the merit for yourself.

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