I’m just being honest: I’ve had more bathroom scales than boyfriends

Yes, it’s true. I’ve been through more bathroom scales than men. And while this may be an indictment of my social life, it’s more of an indictment of my relationship with my weight and more importantly my body. Not surprisingly, my bathroom scale has (read: I have) always been more critical of my body than any boyfriend I have ever had. Yes, I would probably neuter a guy for criticizing my ass, but that really shouldn’t bias the data too much, right?

Like most of my relationships, when I get a new bathroom scale, I’m going through a very euphoric period in which I feel like working out more and eating healthier. So I look forward to every weigh-in and see any spike in weight as something I can easily overcome with hard work. Later on, the bathroom scale starts spitting out things I cannot understand, given how dedicated  and patient I have been, especially with its faulty readings. Suddenly every weigh-in is second-guessed. I start checking up on the scale several times a day.

Then there’s a powerful explosion of anger. I will have a really awful knock-down-drag-out fight with my bathroom scale in which we say things to each other that cannot be taken back. At which point, the relationship is over and my bathroom scale ends up at the Salvation Army if it’s still in working condition or on the curb waiting for the garbage truck.

For a while, I’ll rejoice in the freedom of not weighing myself. I’ll eat an entire apple pie and regale in the fact that there’s no scale to notice the resulting 3 lb. gain. However, after weeks (to be honest: months) of undisciplined and mindless eating, I will begin to wonder about my weight. I’ll try on a few of my tighter fitting jeans to try to calm fears. When I can deny my curiosity no more, off I go to Walmart to pick out my latest victim. Chrome, Glass top, digital dispay up to 2 decimal points, AA battery-powered, with weight-tracking. Sexy! And the cycle begins again.

I’m just being honest: I need more Ben Browder on my TV … and in my life

Just look at those eyes ...

After meeting Ben Browder at last weekend’s Polaris convention in Toronto, I was stunned to learn that Mr. Browder was currently seeking employment. I suppose his situation is a lot like 20% of Americans, but if you’ve ever stared into those gorgeous blue eyes, it would seem inconceivable to you that he’s had spotty employment since Stargate SG-1 was cancelled*. I just don’t get it.  Come to think of it, any current drama, comedy, science-fiction, action or horror series could benefit greatly from a dose of Ben Browder. Better yet, they should make him a recurring character or series regular. Can I get a “Hell, yeah!”?

Anyway, I started thinking of the shows that I currently watch and how awesome he would be on most of them. Here are a few specific roles I think he would be perfect for (clearly I like seeing Ben in a uniform of some kind … or in leather):

1. Sons of Anarchy:  Jason Teller (younger brother of the deceased John Teller and uncle to Jackson Teller)

Jason Teller, who has a military background and now owns his own security firm, is out for revenge against SAMCRO, the club he feels is responsible for his brother’s untimely death and to sway his nephew to leave the club and  start a new life free of crime. Jason seems to provide a viable alternative for Jackson, Tara and their growing family.

2. True Blood: Derek Beauregard (Acting Sheriff of Bon Temps)

With Andy Bellefleur addicted to v, his deputy Jason Stackhouse dealing with his Hot-Shot were-panther related mess, his other deputy Kevin Ellis out of commission since his were-attack, and his most competent deputy Kenya Jones not giving a fuck anymore, Bon Temps needs a new Sheriff to restore law and order. Derek is a former resident of Bon Temps who moved away for military service and has been working in law enforcement in another parish. He has a strong hatred for all things supernatural, including Sookie’s “annoying” telepathy.

3. Fringe: Sam Hudson (Olivia’s new partner)

In our universe, Charlie Frances has been dead for some time and Olivia has been partnering up with Peter since then. However, now that Peter no longer exists (I still can’t wrap my head around that one), Olivia is going to need a new partner and possible love interest since she can’t seem to not sleep with her partners (Remember John Scott?). Fortunately for Charlie, he was married. Sam will appear to be a skeptic, but may have ties with Nina Sharp at Massive Dynamic.

4. The Good Wife: Paul Foster (Peter Florrick’s divorce lawyer)

Now that Alicia’s gone AWOL with Will Gardner and Peter has been relegated to a one-bedroom apartment with limited visitation of the kids, Peter needs a ruthless lawyer who will battle for his interests in a way that he can’t or won’t. In steps Paul Foster, a former Georgetown colleague of Will. I’d love to see Ben bring his brand of crazy into a courtroom.

5. Castle: James King (rival author and amateur sleuth)

James King is a famous mystery writer and hosts a reality show called “America’s Bounty Hunters”. His cases will often cross with Castle’s and Beckett’s.  James is arrogant, reckless and determined. On a superficial level, James appears to only care about his fame, book sales and TV ratings, however, there is a particular cold case that he is willing to solve at any price.

____________________

*Ben’s most recent project is the sci-fi webseries Naught for Hire. The noir detective series is set in 2030, with the tagline “He’s an analog guy in a digital world”. Sounds really promising. Not sure where or when they will begin shooting or when it will be released but as soon as I hear something I will post it. I need more Ben Browder in my life. No one at the conference asked Ben about the Farscape Webisodes. I guess that’s a dead issue now 😦

I’m just being honest: Dr. Skarsgard, I presume?

Seriously, I need a doctor ... THIS DOCTOR!

Photo Source: SkarsgardNews.com

I feel like a total bitch today. You know how I adore Alexander Skarsgard, right? Just click on the Skarsgard tag on the bottom of the page if you don’t believe me. Well, he attended Leeds University for a short while and now the school has granted him an honorary doctorate and he gets to walk around being called “Dr. Skarsgard”.  My first reaction wasn’t “Oh that’s so sweet!” or “Good for him!” or “WHEEEEEEEEEE!”; it was “Fuck! I worked my ass off to get a doctorate and this guy just gets one for being a decent actor on a successful TV show.” It’s not like he’s 80 now and at the end of a successful career. He’s my age. So um … yeah, I wasn’t thrilled at first. After listening to his speech and how humble he is about it, I feel a bit like an asshole for being upset, but I was so cheesed off because it’s like Justin Bieber getting a doctorate. WTF has he done really? He’s very philanthropic, intelligent and stuff, but it’s not like he’s Bono. And it’s not like he’s lived 900 years and has a T.A.R.D.I.S. Anyway, here’s the footage. He does look super-cute in the cap and gown and is adding to my Professor Skarsgard fantasies by leaps and bounds …  Maybe it’s PMS. Congratulations are in order for sure and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy, but … Dr. Skarsgard?

I’m just being honest: FREE JASON STACKHOUSE!

Dawn was the first to tie Jason to a bed

Enough is enough. From the very first season of True Blood, it was established that the character of Jason Stackhouse is nothing more than a sex object. It was made clear that Jason was only good at two things in his life – sex and football. A knee injury put an end to his football career, so Jason made the most of his talent as the town man-whore while moonlighting as a construction worker. Flash forward a few seasons and Jason is now Hotshot’s unwilling “Ghost Daddy” sperm donor while moonlighting as Bon Temps Sheriff’s deputy. It is always about sex with Jason. Always. It’s time that Jason is liberated from his dick. If Jason spends one more episode on his back, I’m going to start boycotting True Blood.

Jason's penis has brought him nothing but pain and suffering

Don’t get me wrong; I waited a long time for Amnesiac Eric, but he is not enough to cleanse my palate of the nasty taste of the gang-rape of Jason Stackhouse. I can’t believe I’m typing this, but I’d prefer to see Jason remain clothed for the rest of the season. He looked really hot in that Sheriff’s deputy uniform. C’mon, Alan Ball! FREE JASON STACKHOUSE!!! CLOTHES ON! DICK OFF!!

Looking good in uniform

 

Photo source: TrueBloodGuide.com

I’m just being honest: Supernatural, we don’t need another season

We don’t need another hero

We don’t need to know the way home

All we want is life beyond

The Thunderdome

Sorry, that song has been stuck in my head for three days, along with R.E.M. “It’s the End of the World as We Know It”. I just needed to get that out of my head. Typing it out helps, I think.

Seriously, it's time to pack it in guys

Anyway, back on subject. Do we really need another season of Supernatural? It’s pretty clear how I feel about this past season of Supernatural. Think BIG DONKEY BALLS. With Crowley and Castiel’s late season shenanigans, I can tell you that my feelings have not changed. I certainly didn’t find the total character assassination and retconing of Castiel’s story interesting much less intriguing. It seemed like a lame attempt at the 11th hour to address some of the season-long problems. It would have been more compelling if along the way the writers decided to give us some insight into Castiel’s transformation and descent into Big Bad Territory. Instead, they’ve jammed the entire thing into the last 5 episodes in such a way that it taxes the regular viewers’ willing suspension of disbelief.

So, guess what? I’m done. Really done. I decided to watch till the end of this season, figuring that this crap was on its last legs. However, Supernatural is the CW’s new Smallville/One Tree Hill. Since it finally put it’s original crapfests out of their misery, the CW needs a new show that’s harder to die than John McClane. Fans of Supernatural should just do themselves a favour and assume that the series ended with the Season 4 finale and then the apocalypse happened. The End. The rest is really not worth it.