Bite-sized reviews: Summer Blockbusters

Movie reviewers these days seem to be getting a tad grandiloquent. Plus, there are millions of them. I read reviews so that I don’t waste money on a crap movie at the cinema, when I could just wait and watch it on DVD or OnDemand. Still, it shouldn’t take me longer to read and decipher a movie review than it takes me to watch the film it is critiquing. Also, the longer the movie review, the more likely it is to be full of spoilers. So, this is why we will no longer be adding to the trend with long-assed, self-indulgent movie reviews. From now on it’s bite-sized, zero-spoiler, bare-bones reviews.

Here are our thoughts on Thor, Green Lantern, Pirates of the Caribbean, Super 8, Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon, X-Men: First Class.

Nibby: You must see Thor. You must.

Ayn Rant: Go see Super 8. Rent Green Lantern. Transformers [is] worth it on IMax.

swampmusic: Jack [Sparrow] in 3D is just….so much more fun than Jack in 2D.

Nibby: Unfortunately, I saw Green Lantern at full 3D price. It’s not worth it. It’s a rental.

swampmusic: More than willing to watch Thor, Pirates of the Caribbean, and/or X-Men: First Class again.

Ayn Rant: Super 8 is like Goonies or E.T., that kind of magical, kid-like feel. It’s not like a crazy scary alien pic or anything, but it’s just so well done and worth it. :o) And, Green Lantern DID have good special effects — that was good enough for matinee!

Nibby: Oh, so now it’s okay for a matinee, not rental.

See? How much more do you need to know than that?

Swampmusic is in love!

It doesn’t happen very often but when it does it is…

EPIC!!!

You may know him as Eurovision’s Epic Sax Guy, but we here at Singlarity know him as perfection.

He now joins the ranks of Dr. Doom, the Terminator, Darth Vader, Wolverine, Captain Jack Sparrow, Iron Man,

News of the Week: You’re Doing It Wrong

You know we’re not normal, so our reaction to the news that a man chased Clemson students with a chainsaw shouldn’t surprise you. Special thanks to the Strong Jaw of Justice for passing this story along. Honestly, it doesn’t take much to set our minds on Christian Bale.  He’s so fucking professional.

RetroVixen: Very American Psycho, but without the nudity and bright white sneakers.

swampmusic: I would have been shouting, “YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!”

Ayn Rant: “THIS IS AN AXE!”

Nibby: Why are you wearing a raincoat?

swampmusic: Do you have, like…..a little dog, or something?

RetroVixen: NOT THE FACE!!!! NOT THE FUCKING FACE!!

RetroVixen: That movie is amazing. Simply amazing.

swampmusic: So much beauty is embodied within it.

Nibby: I’m exfoliating and moisturizing like Patrick Bateman.

swampmusic: You can’t go wrong with a routine like that.

Yeah!

Song of the Day: F*@#ing Matt Damon by Sarah Silverman

Featuring Matt Damon. We are in love with Matt Damon … again. Sometimes we forget how awesome he is and then we see him and … BOOM!

swampmusic: Omg Matt is another one! LOVE him, and always forget that I do LOL. His sense of humor is incredible!!!

Nibby: Shaggable but forgettable? Seriously, though. I LOVE MATT DAMON.

swampmusic: And yet, the love becomes…forgotten…until you see him again, right?? I almost feel…guilty. I’ve adored him ever since that one scene in SPR when he was telling Tom Hanks the barn story about his brothers, and he couldn’t stop laughing and he was just so cute!

RetroVixen: I’d hit it. Matt Damon I mean. WOOF.

Nibby: See him. Love him. Forget him. See him. Love him, again. Remember?

How to make a Turd Loaf by Sandra Lee

Sandra Lee (a.k.a. Domestic Demoness):